The Truth About Love

Funny how the heart can be deceiving, more than just a couple times. Why do we fall in love so easy even when it's not right? Where there is desire there's going to be a flame, where's there a flame someones gotta get burned. But just because it burns it doesn't mean you're gonna die. Gotta get up and try. -P!NK

It seems romantic relationships in the second half of your 30s are more complicated than they was before. Everyone has either been heartbroken, divorced, left for someone else, cheated on. Or all of the above. Sometimes I'll spend half a Saturday talking to my girlfriends, listening, reading tarot cards. Gawd, if I were a licensed therapist/psychic I could make so much money on the weekends.

Our hearts do deceive us. It's a famous quote: The heart wants what the heart wants. Often, we don't get what we desire so badly because what we want would be very very bad for us. Our friend the Universe has another plan.

We were home listening to Pink the other night, I'd been at her concert on Monday with my bestie. My guy dropped a ton a cash to make those great seats happen. (She was AMAZING) Not that he's rich. He's just very generous. This song comes on. He looks at me and says "This is your song". I'm like, how do you think I'm still here baby?

C'mon we're too old to keep playing games. To keep taking advantage of people. And my friends? They are worth so much more than what they put up with. Wondering where he is, what's he doing, who else is he talking to? Whose blonde hair was that in the bathroom?

I've been the perfect Stepford Wife in the past. Until I wasn't. "Just getting by" isn't a great option for any of us. Neither is crazy, mad love for most of us. Love isn't like it is in the movies. We have to try. If they won't try with you, if you're constantly insecure and unhappy, please - that train is going through a tunnel. That tunnel ends with going off a cliff. Save yourself.

Not saying I learned this all in one go but we're getting older, lovelies. My relationship isn't perfect. I had a different picture in my head of how I'd end up but it wasn't right for me.

The other night we took the dog to the beach and we were playing and laughing, decided to grab a bite on the waterfront and one of my guy's friends works there now. His old roomate. They were fun times, but crazy. Times that couldn't last. They were so happy to see each other again. Finally I interrupted and was like: Hi, it's Margaux, I used to stay at your place?...and he said my God, I didn't even recognize you. Your hairs so long and you're wearing sunglasses...and I said and...you never thought we'd still be together after all this time? And he laughed. Said: Not a chance.

Ladies, you owe me thousands of dollars in free therapy. All I have to say is pick the nice guy for once and you won't have to try half as hard, I promise. You'll still have to work for it, but you'll have a partner who makes you smile every time he walks through the door and when things get hard, you'll try to make them easier. Together. He always tells me he's so proud of me. That "WE" got this. We got this. :)

Sullivan out.

Broken Arrow

"Who else is gonna bring you a broken arrow, who else is going to bring you a bottle of rain?"

I shut down sometimes. I finally decided to put the pictures my grandma gave me in an album. Pictures of me mostly when I was a baby. My mother didn't want to keep them. Why remember someone who was nothing more than a mistake? Which I was. She was on contraception so she never wanted me in the first place. Then I became an apostate, not ideal.

She told me if she could do it again she never would have had kids.

Here I am. And it's taken half a lifetime to find something better. Find friends who love me no matter what comes, to find the right guy. He works all the time in the summer so I never see him. I was having a bad day yesterday. I went to bed. Got up this morning and there was a whole display of fruit and veggies on the table. He knows my go-to is to stop eating. So he bought me everything I actually would eat. After working a 12-hour shift. No one else would do that for me.

It's never perfect, could just be a broken arrow, but he turns the world around for me and makes me feel like I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be here. We all do.

But the first cut is the deepest. Baby I'll try to love again but I know...

Sullivan out.

#margauxandmax

Okay I'm putting out a quick one cause I have a busy day. My life is full of kids. Even though I don't actually have any.

For Christmas my Grandma sent me a great book. It was called how my dog saved me from myself. My uncle's dog just passed, rest his soul. I don't think we give our dogs enough credit. Kids are great too. They love you but then they don't sometimes, then they do, then they don't. I've had so many dogs in my family come and go over the years, but they all stay with you because no one ever loves you as much as a dog (except your Grandma).

I had a cat before and she was great. Not like the little spawn of Satan I somehow own now. But a dog is different. I swear 70% of the people in my hood know Max by name. Me? Maybe 20% of them know mine if I'm being generous. He's a happy (spoiled) dog and he just assumes everyone is in love with him because everyone is. I am a huge advocate of don't buy, rescue. Still, I didn't want Max.

I was going to the shelter a lot on the weekends, looking for a rescue. Some smaller, cuter dog. A city girl dog. One day a friend of a friend asked if I could babysit their 4 month old puppy. I said sure, cause that's the kind of girl I am. Then they ghosted me and I was here, looking at this way too big puppy trying to figure out what to do with him. I could drop him at the shelter. But then I'd never be allowed to rescue another animal from there, ever. It took me way too long to make up my mind and by that time, I was in love with this big goofy puppy.

He doesn't have a mean bone in his body but he's huge and thinks he's a lap dog. He loves to dance in the living room. The girls at work had an intervention for me one day, they wanted to talk to me about turning in my "abusive boyfriend". I was like these bruises are from a 70 lb puppy, not a boyfriend. I could take my boyfriend out if he were like that but he's nothing but kind :)

Max did save me from myself after all. We go everywhere together. I mostly only shop at dog friendly places. He knows every store in the hood that gives out dog cookies. He's had two jobs, where he basically just went to work in the morning and made everyone at the office/hair salon happy all day.

If our dogs were us, they'd be the best version of ourselves. There wouldn't be any wars or fighting or hurting each other with words. There would just be the best kind of love. It's sad that we get to live long lives and theirs are so much shorter. Maybe that's why they make the best of every minute of it.

Max, he's gotta always be in my bed at night, he needs to be in the middle of me and Jay, but on top of me. He smiles for no reason when he sits beside me. And everywhere we go, he makes people happy. He's never aggressive but a couple of years ago when I got sick, he became very protective. He barks now if someone comes to our door. Being a country girl, I never would have chosen a big dog in the city. Sometimes life doesn't give us a real choice. And sometimes that's a good thing.

I'm grateful every day for having him in my life. My dog has literally been my best friend, he saved me from myself. And to his cousin? Rest in Peace Willis. You were a good dog. xo

Sullivan out.