I shut down sometimes. I finally decided to put the pictures my grandma gave me in an album. Pictures of me mostly when I was a baby. My mother didn't want to keep them. Why remember someone who was nothing more than a mistake? Which I was. She was on contraception so she never wanted me in the first place. Then I became an apostate, not ideal.
She told me if she could do it again she never would have had kids.
Here I am. And it's taken half a lifetime to find something better. Find friends who love me no matter what comes, to find the right guy. He works all the time in the summer so I never see him. I was having a bad day yesterday. I went to bed. Got up this morning and there was a whole display of fruit and veggies on the table. He knows my go-to is to stop eating. So he bought me everything I actually would eat. After working a 12-hour shift. No one else would do that for me.
It's never perfect, could just be a broken arrow, but he turns the world around for me and makes me feel like I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be here. We all do.
But the first cut is the deepest. Baby I'll try to love again but I know...
Sullivan out.
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