They tricked us. Heaven and hell - they are both just places on earth. During this recent epidemic it's more hell than heaven. But people though are stepping up. Some are going crazy, but a lot have learned to be kinder. To help those in need. The majority of us have stopped thinking about ourselves and take measures to keep others safe.
To leave food or flowers outside the door for our neighbours. To wear a mask when we go out. And keep friends that we desperately need and miss 6 feet away, if we see them at all. No more hugs no more parties. IF we are doing this right and are hoping us and the people we love to get through it.
I need to be particularly careful because I have stage 4 liver disease. I'm tired of hiding so there it is. Stage 4 is the last stage so I have anywhere from tomorrow to forever (if someone wants to volunteer a piece of their liver). Yah I drank too much. I had lost my entire life, not that it's a reason to be self destructive but show me someone who hasn't, considering the circumstances. Then I got e.coli probably from a spinach salad trying to be healthy. They gave me a 10% chance to live. Then the topper was needing a blood transfusion and being given the wrong blood. I think I had less than a 10% chance that time. The doctors thought they killed me that time and it was their fault.
I've been feeling sorry for myself the past two days, I'm over it. My therapist says my bounce back time is really really good now. Doctors have no idea what they are doing but if I die young I'm okay with that. Jay and I would like to travel a bit so hopefully it's not tomorrow that takes me :)
Saturday, 30 May 2020
Saturday, 9 May 2020
Half of my Heart
I'm an empath. One of my girlfriends always says she owes me thousands of dollars in therapy. Which is probably thanks to the thousands of dollars I've spent in therapy. For Christmas I got three books on being an empath and how to balance it.
I'm not gonna lie to y'all it's a fine line to walk. Caring enough to help but not caring too much that it brings you down with the shipwreck. It's something we didn't think we'd see in out lifetime so thank gawd for the the health care system and all essential workers who keep our country going.
I just don't do things the way a normal person does. I laugh when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad. I can't be half hearted. This epidemic would make anyone either very upset or pretend it's not happening at all. Now children are dying. Not just older people. Don't even get me started on how Trump is trying to kill America. To keep the money rolling in. His own people keep getting sick and dying. Protests in the streets, people killing each other for no reason. History is going back in time, not forward and if you're smart enough you know exactly who I'm talking about.
We're dying here too, but more slowly than a country run by some ego maniac. We're taking it slow. Doing what we can.
I know this is killing the economy. I know people are lining up overnight at food banks. I know as long as we are doing okay, that if I was still JW I would probably be so happy that all the things they told us were finally coming true and paradise was coming. That it's the end of the world as we know it. But that's a bunch of selfish people thinking only about them, not the rest of the world.
Instead, I live with a guy, a dog and a cat. I have no predisposed ideas about getting into paradise at this point. I have a bad immune system so he won't let me leave the house without an M3 N-95 mask. I'm allergic to all fabrics that are synthetic so my allergies kicked in and now I've been walking around with a black eye for 5 or 6 days cause I'm allergic to those masks. Imagine how much fun my Zoom meetings at work have been with a black eye.
Ben is the only one allowed to come over and he does, every day. We have our little quarantine family. Sometimes Lindsay and Declan pop by and we say hi, them on the sidewalk, me out the window. My Taurus doesn't really understand the Pisces. That even a fish can die underwater for so long.
COVID doesn't seem to be going away. Maybe in times like these we should look outside ourselves and find ways to help others. The non profit I work for does not receive government funding or money from the United Way. They rely solely on donations. Our fundraising events for the spring/summer? Not gonna happen.
I know we're all struggling financially, but if you're one of those who aren't, if you're happy and comfortable in life, please think about helping others who need support now more than ever before. Eating disorders are the #2 cause of death out of all mental health issues.
www.sheenasplace.org/donate
We appreciate any support that helps us help other. But don't do anything unless your whole heart is in it. Half of a heart is not going to get us out of this mess, despite the best intentions.
Sullivan out.
I'm not gonna lie to y'all it's a fine line to walk. Caring enough to help but not caring too much that it brings you down with the shipwreck. It's something we didn't think we'd see in out lifetime so thank gawd for the the health care system and all essential workers who keep our country going.
I just don't do things the way a normal person does. I laugh when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad. I can't be half hearted. This epidemic would make anyone either very upset or pretend it's not happening at all. Now children are dying. Not just older people. Don't even get me started on how Trump is trying to kill America. To keep the money rolling in. His own people keep getting sick and dying. Protests in the streets, people killing each other for no reason. History is going back in time, not forward and if you're smart enough you know exactly who I'm talking about.
We're dying here too, but more slowly than a country run by some ego maniac. We're taking it slow. Doing what we can.
I know this is killing the economy. I know people are lining up overnight at food banks. I know as long as we are doing okay, that if I was still JW I would probably be so happy that all the things they told us were finally coming true and paradise was coming. That it's the end of the world as we know it. But that's a bunch of selfish people thinking only about them, not the rest of the world.
Instead, I live with a guy, a dog and a cat. I have no predisposed ideas about getting into paradise at this point. I have a bad immune system so he won't let me leave the house without an M3 N-95 mask. I'm allergic to all fabrics that are synthetic so my allergies kicked in and now I've been walking around with a black eye for 5 or 6 days cause I'm allergic to those masks. Imagine how much fun my Zoom meetings at work have been with a black eye.
Ben is the only one allowed to come over and he does, every day. We have our little quarantine family. Sometimes Lindsay and Declan pop by and we say hi, them on the sidewalk, me out the window. My Taurus doesn't really understand the Pisces. That even a fish can die underwater for so long.
COVID doesn't seem to be going away. Maybe in times like these we should look outside ourselves and find ways to help others. The non profit I work for does not receive government funding or money from the United Way. They rely solely on donations. Our fundraising events for the spring/summer? Not gonna happen.
I know we're all struggling financially, but if you're one of those who aren't, if you're happy and comfortable in life, please think about helping others who need support now more than ever before. Eating disorders are the #2 cause of death out of all mental health issues.
www.sheenasplace.org/donate
We appreciate any support that helps us help other. But don't do anything unless your whole heart is in it. Half of a heart is not going to get us out of this mess, despite the best intentions.
Sullivan out.
Friday, 1 May 2020
Broken wings don't fly
Whenever I feel far from home, facing the world on my own you are the calm in my storm you are the light that's guiding me, the only one I see, the only one need. You're my gravity.
I was supposed to go home last summer. It didn't work out. So I said I'd be there in the spring. That's not working out either. My grandma is one of my best friends. If you looked up "unconditional love" in the dictionary it would be a picture of her. I like to think I got some of her traits.
She really wants to meet Jay. I know y'all must be sick of hearing me talk about him but he's my gravity. Keeps me grounded. I got sick for a long time and had to leave my job while I was doing my MBA. He's like don't worry about money, we'll figure it out, you have to finish it. I feel like gravity is always trying to bring me down. Not gonna happen.
Before this whole epidemic broke out I was looking at places to lease to start a flower shop. He wanted to open a bar but he totally supported me. He's like, we'll get yours going first.
I think I've mentioned it enough on this blog, but I haven't always been the best girlfriend. To borrow a quote from Lindsay, I'm not sitting here with angel wings. I just got lucky. Are Jay and I the perfect couple? Of course not, nothings perfect. But he's as close to being home that I can get cause I can't go home. He is actually the calm in my storm of a life. I get these panic attacks and he just rubs my back and holds my hand until they go away.
I know as soon as this mess is over and we can travel he'll take me back east. That was our plan. He keeps reminding me and his smile pulls me through.
I know we're all struggling now, being isolated, being afraid of getting sick. But we're in it together. And we will get out of it together. There will be a calm after the storm, and that's when I'll go home. : )
Sullivan out.
I was supposed to go home last summer. It didn't work out. So I said I'd be there in the spring. That's not working out either. My grandma is one of my best friends. If you looked up "unconditional love" in the dictionary it would be a picture of her. I like to think I got some of her traits.
She really wants to meet Jay. I know y'all must be sick of hearing me talk about him but he's my gravity. Keeps me grounded. I got sick for a long time and had to leave my job while I was doing my MBA. He's like don't worry about money, we'll figure it out, you have to finish it. I feel like gravity is always trying to bring me down. Not gonna happen.
Before this whole epidemic broke out I was looking at places to lease to start a flower shop. He wanted to open a bar but he totally supported me. He's like, we'll get yours going first.
I think I've mentioned it enough on this blog, but I haven't always been the best girlfriend. To borrow a quote from Lindsay, I'm not sitting here with angel wings. I just got lucky. Are Jay and I the perfect couple? Of course not, nothings perfect. But he's as close to being home that I can get cause I can't go home. He is actually the calm in my storm of a life. I get these panic attacks and he just rubs my back and holds my hand until they go away.
I know as soon as this mess is over and we can travel he'll take me back east. That was our plan. He keeps reminding me and his smile pulls me through.
I know we're all struggling now, being isolated, being afraid of getting sick. But we're in it together. And we will get out of it together. There will be a calm after the storm, and that's when I'll go home. : )
Sullivan out.
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