When They Go Low

"When they go low, we go high." - Michelle Obama

I have been having the weirdest time lately. Someone, who, because I am taking the high road, will not be named, I thought she was one of my best friends. I think she must be a very unhappy person. And apparently a bully.

You know that thing about how if someone is always saying shit about everyone else to you, they are probably doing it to you behind your back? It's true. They're not just confiding in a friend, they are actually just mad at everyone.

In the past few days I've received numerous (like 40) messages saying just go die bitch, you're a terrible writer, you're a dirty toilet seat that men like to piss on. You left the JWs for a guy who doesn't give a shit about you. You're dried up and delusional and your boyfriend is awful. Seriously?

The boyfriend who drives you home at the end of the night and takes your kid for walks and buys you nice dinners and has always been kind to you. Hmmm. My other friends are apparently even worse. There's not one nice thing to say about any of them. This one spends too much money (hey red!), this one doesn't work hard enough (hey blonde!), this one who just uses you (hey former roomie!). Coming from someone I babysit for, for free at 6:30 in the morning while she goes to work and doesn't claim the money to the government while she's on support.

Jay just holds me while I cry and doesn't understand why it hurts so much. C'mon buddy doesn't a dirty toilet seat get to have feelings? :)

It hurts because I thought she was my friend. And being on the outside I've been careful about who I let into my life.

Anyways, I'm moving on. Have I made mistakes in life? More than I can count. But I'm trying really hard to be a good person. And those other friends? They are loyal and kind and would never say those kind of things about me, even if they thought them, which I don't think they do.

I think Michelle said that quote while she was supporting Hilary's campaign. Trump still won. Sometimes hate wins. But once I lick my wounds, I will keep working towards a better world for all of us that doesn't accept this kind of behavior. We have to take the high road and maybe we can inspire others to follow our lead.

And fuck you, my former bestie, I think I'm a damn good writer.

Sullivan out.

Love Despite

"They" say "you like because and you love despite". It doesn't just apply to romantic love, it's all of our relationships.

I would be surprised if anyone out there had a friendship, a partner, a family and they couldn't name one thing that they are not completely happy with. But we like all of them for what they bring into our lives. And we love them despite any small flaws or imperfections.

After all, doesn't imperfection make us perfect? I have the perfectly imperfect partner in life. It hasn't been a fairy tale by any means and most of the flaws were on my side. Not all of them though.

This guy believes in me, supports my dreams, my MBA, my writing, loves my dog and cat, takes care of my friends and their kids and doesn't EVER ask for anything in return. Except don't watch Westworld without him. :) Unconditional love doesn't happen every day.

I have to put a push in here on how upsetting it is what Trump is doing in the US. Families should stay together. I don't have kids but most of my close friends do. We should build a world for them that doesn't tear families apart or discriminate about race, gender or sexual orientation. I'm in an interracial relationship. It's Pride month and I am proud to be an ally. I'm a woman who deserves as much respect as the man next to me.

My cousin is super smart (most of my cousins are) and she said I should wait to write my book until I know how the story ends.

I know. I'm already working on it. :)

Live Free or Die Hard

It's election day in the US. Apparently everyone is moving to Canada if Trump gets elected. I've learned a thing or two over the past years. I tried, foolishly probably, to fight the Jehovah's Witnesses. I thought if I could just expose them for what they are, people would listen and things would change. We could free people from their mind control, their ability to control everyone's life who has been touched by them. I failed.

People better and stronger than me have tried to stand up for freedom of thought, of choice, of religion. I think it's a noble cause. But it takes it's toll.

I haven't blogged in months and that's because I worked so hard to sell hope on here. Even though I just kept getting gutted and I didn't want everyone to know that. Part of that was my bad choices, the wrong decisions I made. Part of it was sabotage from people who were supposed to love me.

A couple of months ago, I ended up in the hospital again. I wasn't supposed to live this time. Being given a one in ten chance of survival is not encouraging. Then they came to me with some papers to sign to say I would accept blood transfusions. Now, that's a big no-no with the J-dubs. As much as I'd felt I'd moved on, they still did and always will have a hold on me. I hesitated. I was alone and didn't know what to do. I was so sad when I got out of the hospital and found out a 27-year-old mother in Quebec refused them and gave into constant pressure from elders (NOT DOCTORS) from the organization who relentlessly pressured her to say no. She died.

Whether it's politics or personal, it seems that we can't control much more than our own personal well-being. These big, powerful, rich people and corporations might, at the end of the day, always win. But we can keep up the fight. As long as we always remember to take care of ourselves. Get rid of the anger, resentment, grief. We need to feel those emotions...fully...and then move on. It's okay to be weak. It's okay to be broken.

This morning I weighed 98 lbs. And when I hit my yoga mat, I was angry at my limitations. All of us though are here for a reason. You are, I am. Whatever happens to us, if we can look at the big picture, we are a tiny speck that could be gone at any time. But for now, this is our place. We can still make the world better, no matter who is President, who is in control, and even if we lose a little along the way. As long as we don't lose ourselves. :)

Remember: The world breaks everyone. Then many are strong in the broken places. We have two choices people: Live Free or Die Hard.

Sullivan out.