People don't really get my relationship with my therapist. It's taken him a long time to "fix me". Too long in their eyes. I trusted in the process and I trust him. This couldn't have been an easy job. He told me he knew how sad I was that my last old life friend was taken from me by my family, what else did they have left to take? They went for the heart this time. I only blame myself for not seeing it coming from that crew.
Ross said think about it. She was the last link to your old life. You tell me sometimes you wake up confused because you dream you're still JW, you're still in your family, you're still married, you're still with your all old friends. Now, when you wake up it can really just be a dream. Shake it off and get on with your day. They are all GONE.
Would I trade everything for one day back there, in that life? There was a time I would have. Sometimes I call Jay "Travis" (I've never done that with anyone else) and we both pretend it never happened or maybe he doesn't even notice. Either way, I'm with him. I love him. And with everyone else gone, I've come beyond the barricade and realized on the other side it's not entirely peaceful. It's the complete opposite of what I thought it would be.
I don't think it's circumstantial that I've been abused and taken advantage of out here. It happens in there too, to a lot of people and everyone should know that. It's me, I'm a different person. No one would have stood up to me before, but then I got broken and it started happening. I hate to say "me too" but it's true. It's happened.
Let's keep moving forward though and see what else is beyond the barricade. I learned the truth about myself. I have learned compassion, I have learned to grow. The finish line is immortal. The moments that define you have already happened and will happen again. And never, ever, ever, die before your death.
Sullivan out.
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