Weathered

"When I grow old, I'll drink and smoke like I did when youth stayed, youth stayed until the second round." - Jack Garratt

I made a decision. I've been called out on this blog for being an advocate for ex-jehovah's witnesses while I am technically still one. While I don't believe in cyber-bullying, they were right. I went back for my mother and my sister. Who have consistently proved they want nothing to do with me unless I shut up and get in line. I love them but...how long can you wait for people to decide they love you? It's been 7 years.

So here is my letter to the Watchtower. I wrote it to my elder. My cards are still in the possession of my old congregation. If you were ever a Jehovah's Witness you will know they have cards. With all your personal information. How many hours you spent in field service. How many magazines you handed out. Deeply personal information on how you fucked up. Detailed notes. On one hand, I hate doing this. On the other, I have to.

Dear Walter and Karen,

I hope you are doing well. I miss you both. Words can't express the love I feel for you. You've been role models and an extra set of parents since I was 18. Remember how in the summers after we went in service Walter just wanted to get a milkshake from McDonalds for lunch instead of a real meal before the meeting?

We had very good times together. Memories I will cherish until I die. Walter, we've been back and forth on this for ages. I've asked you why you won't just disfellowship me. I'm the biggest apostate Canada has ever seen. I've reached millions of people with this story. I wanted you to make the decision for me.

So that when Linda and Erin eventually die, I wouldn't have to walk into a room and be shunned. The thing is, despite you not getting rid of me again, that's what's going to happen anyways. I've asked you why I'm not disfellowshipped. There was no answer. But I know what it is. You know I had an abusive husband. You know how my baby elders who handled my first disfellowshipping cause messed it all up by being arrogant and ignorant and mean.

And you love me as much as I love you and Karen. You didn't want to put me through that again. I'm finally ready to take that step on my own. I would like to disassociate myself from the Jehovah's Witnesses. The choice I made to sign up at 12 years old was not worth the suffering I've gone through since then.

I'm finally happy with my life and the people in it. I will always wish you were included in them.

Please make the announcement at the next meeting. I'm weathered from the fight but I'll be fine.

With love always,
Margaux