After the Rain

Yes, I am starting to recycle blog titles. Thanks for asking. 

Titles are the hardest part. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my book title.  I will probably spend more time figuring that out than I do writing this goddamn book.

Y'all know I'm not talking about anything except my leaving the Jdubs for awhile. This week is always going to be one of the most important weeks of my life. I feel tired and alone. Not because I'm actually alone. I'm honestly way too busy. But alone because no one really understands. They are extremely, lovingly supportive and they try. Even with my ex-jw friends though, we've all had different experiences. And for sure my "worldly" friends don't get it at all.

I had dinner with my lovely ex-boyfriend last night. You know I love my exs. I have four requirements in a boyfriend: love my dog, be a good cook, force me to eat and live within walking distance of my apartment. Apart from that I don't care if you makes lots of money or you don't. Just be kind and fill the first four slots.

He was always too good for me. He's a doctor. Everyone in his family are doctors. They all love each other and take cute pictures together. He asked the same question last night that I've been asked over and over again. Why don't I just stop speaking out against the JWs and then maybe I can work things out with my absent family. Two people. Who I love. But then there's so many others. People who I've met and haven't met in person who talk to me. Who tell me that me speaking out helps them. They say I say the words they can't.

You know I wax poetic on here. I tell everyone things will get better. That we can be happy outside of the organization. And we do, and we can. And for us on the outside, this is absolutely what we need to do. But I'll be honest. I think it's always going to hurt. I read all of you too. Your posts. Your suffering. Just know you're not alone. I have a wonderful life that I'm actually proud of. People I love dearly. But that past life? The people we lost? It's always going to hurt us. And some days are better than others.

I will never understand why this happened to us. Why we were raised on hate, guilt and feeling like we were never good enough. The world is as tired and scared as I am. We can make a difference though. I used to think I knew what I was fighting for. Now I know for sure. It's for all of us.

Sullivan out.