My friends and family are all trained. I turn 27 every year on February 27th. So all my cards say Happy 27th! This year though, I feel too damn young to feel this old.
I've laboured over this blog. I've written it, deleted it and re-written it so many times in my head. Us writers are a strange breed who walk around talking to ourselves and writing in notebooks. It's just a birthday, I know. And age is just a number. But I'm always honest with y'all so...this was my last birthday in my 30s. But 40 is the new 30 right? I'm still pretty. :)
And I finally feel like I know who I am, what I want out of life and what I don't want. I couldn't get all my friends together last Saturday night so I celebrated for a week. Dalyse took me to a Blue Rodeo concert. Lindsay took me shopping. Robin took me to the dog park. Jay and Spencer sang Happy Birthday while I blew out the candles on my cake.
I have the most amazing friends. I'm happy with my job. I still feel like I'm playing catch-up with life, after all those years I spent slaving for the JWs. But the Universe has been kind to me.
I've been married to a great, handsome guy. I've been madly in love after that. I've lost so many people that I love so much, but I've found something that I think will ground me for the second half of my life. I love myself. I've been volunteering more lately and I feel like perhaps I'm actually making a difference again. Although the corporate life can be taxing, I'm in a position where I've made so many relationships, I can leverage their support to help these causes that I care about.
I feel like I've lived 3 different lives so far. This one is the scariest. But it's also my favorite. I've learned a lot living on the outside of my past life. I've learned how to trust again, how to love again. How to start over from absolutely nothing - no home, no money, no friends - and accept the help that I used to be too proud to take.
As a Jehovah's Witness being part of "the world" was the worst thing. I thought I might save the world when I was one of them. In the end though, the world saved me. And now I'm strong enough to start trying to do that again. I'm a bit weathered from the fight but that's okay.
I know now that we shouldn't judge others. That none of us are better than anyone else. That we need to erase stigmas. That mental health issues are real. That we are all fighting a hard battle, so let's just be kind. I've come a long way from where I began. The journey continues...
Sullivan out.
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