Call and Answer

If you call, I will answer. And if you fall, I'll pick you up. And if you court this disaster, I'll point you home. ~ The Barenaked Ladies

I went out on Friday night with one of my girlfriends. She was with a group of her friends, and while I think I try really hard not to judge...these people were awful. We probably looked like a normal group of downtown 30-somethings (except me, we all know I'm only 27), on a cool patio that you really can't drink on unless you can afford the $20 glasses of wine. We were mostly all "suits", corporate, smart, attractive, successful.

Besides the one girl I went there for though, it wasn't a great experience. Let's take the guy to my left. We were chatting and I happened to mention I was divorced. "So am I!" It rolled off so quickly and easily, I had no idea he was lying until said girlfriend told me the next day he was married. The girl across the table? Fake nails, fake smile and all she really cares about is finding some guy who makes a ton of money and wrapping him up to take home. She was out half the night with that married guy. The other guy? Also an assole. He seemed nice at first, but true colours came out pretty quickly. He was really pissed off when my girlfriend called her boyfriend to pick her up because he wanted to "take her home". Even though he has a girlfriend and doesn't want a relationship or anything like that with my friend.

I left early, let the suits pay for my 2 overpriced glasses of wine and woke up feeling intensely grateful for the friends I have in my life. I won't lie. I feel lonely a lot. My dad always says, in life, you can count the number of real friends you have on one hand. But coming from my background, I'm used to having an entire community around me, people there, all the time. I was married, I always had someone to come home to. So I'm still adapting to life as it stands, now.

One thing I decided to do differently this time around, was not just accept people into my life without purpose. I only have 3 real girlfriends in Toronto. But if you learned anything from Sex and the City, that's all you need. And I have other friends.

Yesterday Liz and I went to Yorkville, we had coffee, went shopping, ate ice cream, got our nails done. It was the perfect day. Today Lindsay and I sat in my bathroom playing with Krista's foster kittens (we have to keep them in the bathroom so Cat doesn't kill them). I spent this morning on Skype with secret life friend who is away having the best time ever. I miss him a lot. I'm really happy for him that he's so happy, but selfishly, I just want him to come home.

Because, I truly believe I've made great choices when it comes to who I decided to rebuild my life with. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends and I really am very happy. But having someone who has lived the same life as you, found the same doubts, made the same choices? That's beyond special. My dad mostly gets it, but the only people who really, truly understand me are K, M, and this guy.

Somehow the sound doesn't work on my computer, so as we were Skype-ing today, we gave up on text and just started writing messages on a notebook and flashing them up on the screen to each other. When they make my book into a movie that will definetely be one of the scenes that makes people want to cry. True, never-ending friendship and unconditional love. That's all any of us really strive for in life, so I should stop worrying about how the hell am I going to end this story and just write the book. This is enough of a happy ending, even for an OCD, A-type like me.