Rebuttal

Dear readers,

I received an interesting message on my blog today. I have to say, it was quite well-written and I really love all the big words, not to mention the Batman reference. I almost feel like perhaps this person and I used to be very good friends at one point. :)

For your reading pleasure:

"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The man behind the curtain":

You write well Margaux. I think your readers will be sophisticated enough to realize that your views are, necessarily, somewhat tendentious. Equanimity makes for dull reading. As you have generously enabled commenting on your blog, I’d like to offer a slightly different perspective if I may.

Your view of this policy, I think, depends on what you believe to be the motive of the one pursuing it. I don’t wish to trivialize a sensitive topic but let me take a cue from you and refer to a movie. In ‘The Dark Knight Rises’, at one point Alfred tries to dissuade Bruce Wayne (whom he loves) from a course that he believes is recklessly dangerous. He tells him: “If you want to kill yourself that’s up to you but don’t expect me to stay around and watch” (or something like that). I don’t know your family members but perhaps they are thinking something similar? Let’s say that they sincerely believe that the course you are taking in life is self-destructive or harmful to your long-term well being. Let’s assume that they also believe that a by-product of their limiting contact with you is that you might be moved to reconsider the dangerous path you have chosen. You may feel that they are utterly mis-guided on both counts of course, and you would certainly be entitled to that opinion, but I suspect that it wouldn’t be fair to label them as wantonly cruel or harsh, which could be our conclusion at first glance.

In any case, I hope you continue your writing career. I don’t agree with a lot of your opinions but I do think you have talent."

First of all, thank you, Anonymous. I know I have a long ways to go, but I'm working on it and having 11,000 hits on this blog to-date, I have to agree. I think I have a little talent at this whole writing thing.

Secondly, I agree with you again. My views on the subject are of course, "somewhat tendentious". I lost an entire life overnight, went into a deep depression, tried to kill myself. Quite a few "not so good" years, after a lifetime of sacrifice. Sacrificing education, career, home, family, potential friends, potential lovers, a so-called "normal life" in many ways for a cause I was indoctrinated to believe in since I was a toddler. They say you have free will, but if making a decision to join a certain group at 11 or 12 years old, to please your parents and your community, a choice you can never recant and never turn back from...that's not really free will.

Next: I think I've been pretty clear, not just in my most recent "Man behind the curtain" writings but for quite some time now, that the people are not the problem and of course, never who I blame. Some of the best, kindest, most wonderful people I've met and ever will meet in my life are JW. I think back fondly on so many memories of the past, so many good times, so much love. I honestly still look at old pictures and smile.

I would never label my family or anyone else's I know as "wantonly cruel or harsh". I believe I pointed out in the blog that you referred to, that I think the organization who makes these rules is hurting BOTH non-JWs and the JWs. I know this from experience. From having someone who was like a sister to me disfellowshipped and although I worried all the time and my heart ached for her, I never contacted her. Because I had to be faithful and obedient. I know from times spent with her mother, the heartache she felt over the situation. I've seen it over and over again. They are good people and they love their children. And it hurts them immensely to be told to stay away, not even saying a greeting to them should they pass them on the street or check up on them once in awhile to see if they're ok.

The Watchtower article I referenced in that blog, implied this was the correct course of action, even though the example in discussion was someone who was disfellowshipped for 16 years. Can you imagine the pain of his parents, not even thinking they were allowed to check in and see if he was ok? Or alive? Or happy? For 16 years. But putting forward a "sterling example" such as this one, encourages all the JWs who buy into this as "loyalty to God", to just keep the course, and eventually, like that guy, their son/daughter/sister/brother will come back. What if they don't? What if they make a new life, and they're happy? What if they die? What if said mother/father/sister/brother dies? Never having seen their family member who they love so much, ever again?

Does this belief make people (JW or not) happy? No. I firmly believe that. And I can understand limiting your association with anyone whose life course you don't approve of. But to not even have that natural, family love is not right. People out there, every single day, do much worse things than leave the religion they grew up in, and their family still loves them.

The problem I see here, is that people live in the fear that they are taught and don't believe there are good people of every race, every religion, every background. The new world that I've found is rich with kindness and beauty, things I was taught were impossible on "the outside". I just don't want anyone else to buy into the idea that life can't be everything we want it to be. Some beliefs and lifestyles work for some people. But just because you're born into something, doesn't mean it's the right course for you. And even if you do buy into it and want it in your life, no one should tell you that you absolutely have to walk away from anyone that you love. Love is rare in this world and should be cherished above all.

To your last point. About how my family feels that limiting their association with me will save me from the dangerous path I've chosen and save me from my my self-destructive lifestyle - I don't doubt that, but...they believe it's dangerous (as I'm sure do you) because I will die at Armageddon. My "self-destructive" lifestyle includes the best job I've ever had, finally going to University and being educated, the most loyal and true friends of my life and finally, finally the one thing that's always eluded me my entire life...inner peace. I don't believe in Armageddon, or Judgment Day, and if I'm wrong, if there's a God out there who will destroy most of the people I love just because they don't buy into that either? Take me with them. I'm at peace with that decision.

By the way, Batman kicks ass and takes names, and actually doesn't die. And him and Alfred live happily ever after. And Batman has the inner peace of knowing that he did what had to be done. What no one else had the courage to do.

I still have my issues with the past and I'm still working on myself, I won't deny that. But I'm the happiest, most free, most honest version of myself that I've ever been. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Thank you, Anonymous for your thoughts. I wish more people would comment on my blog and tell me what they really think. I encourage you to do so, anytime you like. It's always good food for thought and I'm open to all of your thoughts and opinions. The only difference between me now versus me back then, is I'll think about it, analyze it, and decide whether or not it's right for me.

In the meantime, I'll keep writing.