Yet another post about religion on a Friday night. My friends are waiting for me at a restaurant, but I'm stalling, because I think this is important.
My dad is in town. I'm so happy to see him. He is an alternate version of me and according to Krista today, we have the same eyes. In different ways, the same soul.
In one of my classes we've explored different cultures and it's almost scary to know how many groups practice shunning of those who leave. One would only hope a religious group would evolve with the times, even though I understand the perception that doing that would mean turning back on their values and ideals.
It would seem though, as much as we wish it would go differently, the JWs are becoming more and more firm in their stance on how they view those who might leave, instead of moving forward with the rest of the world. While at one point it was completely acceptable for immediate family members to make their own judgments on how to interact with those who have left, the latest issue of the Watchtower has taken an unprecedented hard-core stance on disfellowshipped people.
You can read it all here, paragraph 17.
http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/w20130615/jehovahs-discipline/
They don't come right out and say it, because they never do. But what is implied here is that this is a sterling example of a sinner-come-to-their-senses, and you should do the same thing. Do NOT say a greeting when you meet your sister/mother/daughter on the street. Do NOT check up on your sister/mother/daughter to see if they are ok, even if SIXTEEN years go by. Leave them for dead, or worse. Because that's what God wants. It's right for you to punish them so severely that they will suffer for a huge chunk of their life, and then, when they can't take it anymore, (maybe 16 years later) they will come back. Come back to a group that controls them, their every wish, every thought, every word they say. Because that's why God created us all so different. To punish the ones that he created to be free thinkers.
Again, I will say, I don't blame the individual people who buy into this thinking. I blame the organization that controls their thought and actions and makes thousands of people, JW and not, sad.
Margaux, are you angry? Yes. Anger is not healthy and I get that. But if none of us are ever angry enough to speak out for those of us who are disfellowshipped and don't have a voice, will anything ever change? No. I have friends who suffer because their family hasn't talked to them in years. And they are better people then me, because they suffer in silence and would never think to tell their parents how much it hurts them.
And normally I wouldn't attack the WTBTS, but when they put stuff like that in writing and distribute it to 10 million people, I have to say something. And all I have to say is, I'm sorry they feel that way. I'm sorry freedom of speech and freedom of thought and action are so unacceptable in 2013. And I'm sorry that for the rest of my life, I will do anything and everything I can to stop any more innocent people from believing that this is "The Way".
I'd love to do a survey. Find out how many people who have left the JWs who suffer from guilt, anxiety, depression, who have become addicts, who have tried to commit suicide. Who have suffered from abuse that's been covered up by the organization.
If there is a God, and that's a big IF, and if he's more like the new testament God than the old testament God, I think he would agree with me. And I think he would think we should stop with the way we treat women in Africa, the way we abort girl babies in Asia, the way we kill women for no reason in the middle east, the way we kill women here in North America on the inside who are raised in a cult.
Because it's not right. I am so lucky that I survived what I went through. But stop for a minute and think about all those people who were not as lucky as me. Is dying for unconventional beliefs, ones we might not even buy into, whatever they may be, something we should continue to turn a blind eye to? No.
Join me. And we'll build something that will help all of them. The man behind the curtain? Just an illusion. The things he's spitting out to the Universe? Are poison. Let's make it stop.
again....GREAT writing :)
ReplyDeleteYou write well Margaux. I think your readers will be sophisticated enough to realize that your views are, necessarily, somewhat tendentious. Equanimity makes for dull reading. As you have generously enabled commenting on your blog, I’d like to offer a slightly different perspective if I may.
ReplyDeleteYour view of this policy, I think, depends on what you believe to be the motive of the one pursuing it. I don’t wish to trivialize a sensitive topic but let me take a cue from you and refer to a movie. In ‘The Dark Knight Rises’, at one point Alfred tries to dissuade Bruce Wayne (whom he loves) from a course that he believes is recklessly dangerous. He tells him: “If you want to kill yourself that’s up to you but don’t expect me to stay around and watch” (or something like that). I don’t know your family members but perhaps they are thinking something similar? Let’s say that they sincerely believe that the course you are taking in life is self-destructive or harmful to your long-term wellbeing. Let’s assume that they also believe that a by-product of their limiting contact with you is that you might be moved to reconsider the dangerous path you have chosen. You may feel that they are utterly mis-guided on both counts of course, and you would certainly be entitled to that opinion, but I suspect that it wouldn’t be fair to label them as wantonly cruel or harsh, which could be our conclusion at first glance.
In any case, I hope you continue your writing career. I don’t agree with a lot of your opinions but I do think you have talent.
Anonymous,
DeleteHere’s where I find the Batman reference to be problematic. It stops at one scene. Instead of picking one scene and line, I think it is more practical and logical to contextualize the issue. Let’s not forget the Batman discussion that you referenced happens shortly after Alfred has admitted to deceiving Bruce for numerous years about a major motivating factor in his life (i.e. burning the letter from Rachel that revealed her true feelings about Bruce). Alfred has in his mind an idea of happiness for Bruce that doesn’t fit the trajectory Bruce’s life has taken. In fact, Alfred has limited himself to envisioning only one method of happiness for his boss – Bruce must quit being Batman, not fight Bane, and just settle down. Bruce refuses. Does Bruce go out and get hurt, in fact have his back broken by Bane, just as Alfred worried he would? He sure does! But guess what, this makes Bruce a stronger person. As Batman, he fights the battles he needs to face, stares down his past, manages to save a city, woo a girl, pass on his mantle and find happiness - all on his own terms. Alfred misses out on witnessing all this.
At the end of the movie, Alfred discovers Bruce has found happiness after all. This happiness is the exact type that Alfred envisioned for his boss at the beginning of the movie. (As a refresher, Alfred references a recurring dream he has early in the movie. He imagines being in Italy on a patio, looking up, and seeing Bruce seated at a table with a girl. Bruce has obviously left his years as Batman behind, and settled down. This is how the dream ends, and this is how the movie ends).
Alfred smiles. Curtains close, everyone cheers.
The point here is that there are many ways to happiness. It’s natural we want the best possible life for our friends. But cutting them off because we feel that happiness can only be achieved in one, predetermined, broad brush stroke is unfair. This is conditional love. Not the unconditional love the Bible expounds.
Alfred sobs at Bruce's grave, believing his boss to be dead. Meanwhile, what is really happening is that he is crying at the grave of a friend who has not died. Isn’t this what the disfellowshipping arrangement does, by causing family and friends to treat as non-existent someone who is very much alive (and quite possibly happy, or on their way to happiness)?
Like Alfred, family and friends can either acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, there exists more than one road to life and happiness. That life does not fall apart when one stops following the JW rulebook.
If they can’t do that, then hey, to paraphrase Commissioner Gordon, maybe those are not the kind of friends that Blackbird deserves. And guess what? They are certainly not the type she needs either.
Don't forget about that one person who bent the 'rules' and kept in touch the whole time. That person still cares :)
ReplyDeleteThere were a few brave souls who did indeed "bend/break" the rules and helped keep me going during that horrendous time. Haven't seen or spoke to any of them in ages...but I understand why and I'm grateful to have had them there when I truly needed them. And I know they still care about me, as I do about them. I still care about all the people who didn't do that as well...but those peeps were very special. I know who this is and I love ya buddy. xo
ReplyDeleteBack at ya! :)
ReplyDeleteWatch your back friend. This blog reeks of "apostacy". And what's coming will be worse. You should probably stop reading me. But I love you. :)
ReplyDelete