Hope Springs

"You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming." ~ Pablo Neruda

I have to say, it's been a long, dark, cold winter. The good thing about winter, is that spring is never far behind. As dark and long as the days become, it's only temporary. Winter is arguably the least popular season, and for good reason. We socialize less, stay home alone more and it's easy when everything is dark and gray, to give in to self-pity, loneliness and depression.

Everything seems dead, especially at times, our hope in brighter days ahead. I didn't have a great winter myself. It was the anniversary of some particularly hard times in my family and then my husband got re-married. Although I wish him happiness, that wasn't easy for me either. And still it seems, as hard as I work, nothing ever changes. I'm still at the same job I started 3 years ago. I'm no closer to finding someone to love.

But there are those little things that have changed for me gradually. Like having a few good friends. Finding a voice and being able to stand up for myself when I need to, say no when I need to. My identity is not shaped anymore by any one aspect of my life and I think that's a good thing. The more facets that together form who you are, the less threatened you will be if any one of them goes away. Friends, family, home, career, hobbies, boyfriend/partner, social status...any of these could leave you at any time (and I would know). But I'll never lose all of them at the same time ever again and that means that even when you hit a bump, you still get to hold on to most of who you are.

I've just finished my term at school, and I'm relieved. It's been a great experience so far, but on top of my job, when you add in my A-type personality and tendancy to be an A student, it was a lot of work and I'm looking forward to taking a break over the summer. Last summer was crazy, working at the restaurant and everything that comes with that lifestyle (par-tay!). I'm happy I had that experience but I think this summer will be much more relaxed and laid back. I plan to focus on my writing in my spare time, there's still some crazy book that's been sitting on a shelf in my apartment for 2 years now that begs to be completely re-written. Right now, it focuses too strongly on the cataclyst of my life, the thing that shook me out of the fog and into the light, and while he was monumentally important, he's not the star of this show.

I am. And if I had ever realized that before, I wouldn't feel so far behind where I should be now. But it's ok. Any of us, at any age, in any situation, might face the reality of starting over. Or, for some of us, it's just a matter of shaking off some bad times and feeling the sun shine for us again. That's why I love spring. Every day, we are reborn and have a chance to change everything. It is however, particularly inspiring and much easier to do that, with some birds chirping in the park, a warm breeze blowing and the sun on our face.

Hope springs eternal. Almost a month since spring officially arrived, we are finally walking in to the new season. Let's make the most of it. :)