Kryptonite

I know what you're thinking. And you're right. Two blogs in one day? It's like Christmas came in February. :)

I realized something this morning after I posted my blog. While I was talking about silly boy things, I didn't realize today is the anniversary of my sister's wedding. I'm one year out on that one. And I'm doing great. If by doing great it means that I'm loving my dog, my job, my volunteer work, my friends. I don't want to jinx this but I've hit the sweet spot.

I remember the year that I forgot my Big loves birthday for the first time. It took until the next day for it to sink it. His power over me was running low. Apparently so is the power my family holds over me.

This time last year, I was a broken person. It was worse than the first time. Spending all those years trying to work my way back to my mother and sister, while still trying to be honest and true to myself. I thought I had hit the sweet spot that time. I had both.

When Erin came over (and Erin is a super long story of me being more of a mom than a big sister for most of our life) the week before her wedding and uninvited me...I'm not being dramatic. I literally felt my heart breaking inside of me. I thought she was coming over to talk about some last minute wedding plans.

I asked her nicely to leave, waited until she would have been out of the building. I was in a good place 10 minutes before that. Then I started screaming. Crying. I ripped up the wedding invitation and threw it in the garbage. I tried to check myself into the hospital so I wouldn't try anything stupid again.  I was disappointed in her and my mother. But I was mostly disappointed in me. That I trusted them yet again. That I ever believed they would just love me for who I am. Which is NOT one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Thankfully, I could take some time off work and go home to the rest of my family who is always there for me and get better.

I had brunch with a very dear friend this morning, also an outsider now but his family never cut him off. I can't even explain in words how comforting it is to be with the people who knew both old and new Margaux. And love her regardless. He asked me if I was going to be quieter and see if I can get my family back when I'm not openly speaking out against the jdubs.

No.

I love, love, love my family. They are my kryptonite though. I just smiled and said "I'm just getting started". Between this blog and the interview I did I've reached millions of people. The message transcends religion. If you are in any situation where you are being controlled, manipulated, abused: get out. It's fucking hard. But worth the fight. Get rid of your kryptonite. It just slows you down.

My girlfriend brought me this from Japan. I framed it and hung it on the wall immediately. I'm the one alone in the canoe in the storm. I have a good canoe and I can swim. I'll be fine. As far as the family goes, I miss you guys. And I don't.

Sullivan out.

Ps. I'm really sorry to that guy I broke up with on text message today. It's been brought to my attention that I'm a huge asshole. I like to think I'm a nice girl with asshole tendencies...