Begin Again :)

"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." - Anne of Green Gables

Y'all know that I didn't have a great 2015. I was going to call this blog "My horrible, terrible, very bad year". Then I thought that might be inviting him back to a party he has already been kicked out of. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 2015.

Honestly though, this past year I gave up again. This is what I decided to do differently: I let my tribe help me. I don't know if it's my own pride, or coming from a place where I was the strong one who helped everyone else, but this wasn't easy for me. Being the weak one, the vulnerable one, the one who was just so sad she couldn't get her shit together. And finally stopped lying to everyone about how "fine" she was.

Do you know what this taught me? If you're a good person and you genuinely care for others and do your best, you don't have to be ashamed of not being perfect. There are (gasp!) people out there who will love you anyway. They may not be the people you expected would be there for you. The ones you showed kindness to and who saw the sacrifices you made for others. They're just good people, paying it forward, the same way you did. That, my friends is the beauty of karma.

I guess 2015 wasn't all bad. I learned a couple of valuable lessons that will stay with me into this new year and the next and the next. I learned some more humility, I learned to trust that the Universe will not desert me. I learned that the biggest thing I need to work on is to try and love myself. Be patient and kind to me. I would never talk to any of my friends the way I do to myself, in my head.

It's almost silly this whole New Years thing. To think we can go to bed on December 31st and wake up the next day and think things will be different. They won't. Unless we change them. I'm on board with having a clean slate to work with though. :)

Like everyone else, I wrote up my list of New Years resolutions. All the things I'm going to be oh-so-much better at this year than last. But the most important thing about that list? If I don't make all of it happen this year, I'll just put it on next years. I'm a work in progress. :)

It's important to constantly work on improving ourselves, our relationships, our habits, our lifestyle. But just because the day is fresh, doesn't mean I won't make mistakes. I made a hell of a lot of them this year. I was lucky to have good, solid people behind me who held my hand, guided me and sometimes just pushed me through. If they believe in me enough to take those chances, I should at least return the favour by doing a little believing myself. There's too many of you to mention, but you know who you are. I love all of you more than I can express.

Look around. Find your tribe, your people. I guarantee you they are there. And then let's all just start this new year with gratitude, with love, with kindness. For those around us and also...for ourselves. It's never too late to start over and to begin again.

Happy New Year!

Sullivan out.