It's been almost a year now since I've talked to most of my family. I went on a date today. It was awful, which is why I don't date. I thought a walk in the dog park would be so much more fun than the usual coffee date. He didn't like my dog so I took him home and we went for coffee, which apparently he doesn't even drink. I don't drink coffee either anymore but I took one for the team. He had a tea.
So I'm so over my family. But I'm not. I cried all night. I called my dad but although I love him, he's not me. Which is weird because I think I'm the most like him than anyone else in my family. He doesn't get me though. He's been through the hell that is Jehovah's Witnesses. It broke up the family. It took away his children. And raised them in a cult.
All he says to me though is that I have to be the bigger person. No hate, no bad feelings. Just be so open to letting them back. I had a realization the other night. It's coming up to my birthday, and that's the day I told Adam I loved him. It was seven years ago. Seven years of back and forth with him, with my family, with the JWs. I can't help but laugh that I have been so stupid. Seven years is a really long time to try to convince people who have left you that you're worth being loved.
So dad, I'm so done. I've tried for seven years. If there is going to be any kind of reconciliation, it's up to them. They can bring me a broken arrow. I don't need anything grandiose. But it's on them now. I even thought of maybe going to a Kingdom Hall tomorrow morning and asking for forgiveness because that's the only way I'll get my family back.
As you told me many times tonight, I'm an adult. And this adult chooses to not go back.. To not shut up about how horrible they are for tearing families apart. I'm a good person. I don't need religion to confirm that for me. I do miss you guys though. I hope everyone is well.
No comments:
Post a Comment