All I want for Christmas...

Is exactly what I have. 

I don't know what it is about the holidays that makes us insane. Yesterday I walked into my friends work. He's gay and when he decided to live the life that was true to him, his JW family cut him off and never came back. 

Him: How's it going Maggie? (Only one other person has ever nicknamed me that. I secretly love it.)

Me: (Sighs as she drops her shopping bags.) Christmas is hard work. Maybe I was better off in the cult. 

He laughed and laughed. He gets me. :)

I was feeling kinda crazy though. My psychic told me in the summer that I had bad karma. And if I paid her $300 she could get rid of it for me. That the love of my life was out there and we were both unhappy apart. If I removed the bad karma he would come back. 

So - yes I know as I'm typing this I'm an idiot - I emailed him. All I said was Merry Christmas. He sent me a note back and I cried and cried. And I called the psychic three times, determined to fix this before Christmas. She didn't pick up and I think the Universe was sending me a message. 

I realized I don't want him to come back unless that's what he wants. I honestly don't need a man in my life, I just miss him sometimes. I really did love him. But last night my brother came over and we watched a cheesy Christmas movie and opened all our presents. We're not big on waiting until Christmas morning. I woke up this morning with someone I truly care about. We have a pretty tree, two cats and way too much chocolate. 

The first guy I dated after my two year hiatus after getting divorced gave me the best gift ever - he let me into his family. I haven't seen him in awhile, but I got a call this morning to come over for dinner. His family has been my family for so long now I can't imagine there was ever a time we weren't all together. I showed up for turkey dinner. I have my own spot at the table. I let his daughter give me pink highlights which may or may not have been the best idea depending on whether or not they wash out before I have to go back to work. 

He's as handsome as ever. And I'm so happy he's home. I'm so grateful for everything and everyone I have. I have a whole family again, I have a new family that I've build over the past few years. It's been hard, I won't lie. 

If you're not happy though, tearing everything down and building it up again can make you the happiest person ever. Pushing boundaries, letting new people in...it's all worth it. Like I said at the beginning of this post...all I want for Christmas is exactly what I have now. Thank you all for being a part of that. And I hope you've found exactly what you're looking for too. 

Sullivan out. 

PS: Merry Christmas!! xo