Get it Right

You're breaking my heart, I'm holding on tight. 
Someday we'll get it right. 
I'd call you my darling but you'd put up a fight. 
Someday we'll get it right. 

Good song. You should click for background music. It's not going to take you more than three minutes to read this blog anyways. 

I received a text in the middle of the night. Happens more than you'd think. I got a new phone last week so all the archived ex-men are gone. It's okay, I kinda felt like it was a new slate to write on. 

I got home from yoga though and was mildly curious about it. Sidepoint: this 30-day yoga challenge is killing me. I saw who was teaching this morning when I walked in and if I could have slipped out some back door, I would have. His class is the worst/best thing in the world. 

I start investigating the phone number issue. To my extreme shock and surprise, it was Him. "Big". Of course I wrote down his number and hid it somewhere before I deleted it. I haven't heard from him in what? A year? 

Wasn't expecting to ever hear from him again. 

One of my friends says that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen. I guess I can buy into that and let this 2 am drunk text go. He and I are obviously never going to "get it right". 

I called Liz, she wasn't picking up. I sent her a note: call me NOW. She had asked me the other day what would I be willing to do for the love of my life?

I've already done that. I left everyone I'd ever known, ever loved, to try to be with Him. It wasn't an experiment, I can't go back. It worked out for the best but I won't lie. I know y'all don't get it, but part of me is always, always waiting for him to show back up. Tell me I didn't do all of that for nothing, that he still loves me and still wants to try to make things work. Keep all the promises he made to me so many years ago. 

That's not gonna happen. As much as I can try to believe in "true love", it just wasn't in the cards for me. I believe you get your one shot at that in life. And we messed it up. I see all the comments y'all have been posting lately on here. You can call me a slut all you want. Truth is, I never have to be alone unless I choose that. I won't apologize for that. Maybe that makes me lucky. Maybe that's what makes me so jaded now. Not being alone doesn't mean you're not lonely. At this point, they're all just different versions of the same guy. But we can't give up trying right?

Big left a really big mess behind when he went away. I think he'd be pretty proud of my life now though. I am. And at least we both had that chance to be drunk, crazy, madly in love once in our lives.  

Maybe someday I'll get it right. 

Sullivan out.