I'm awesome at dating. And other lies...

So I had a date last night. I decided to take a nap since he was supposed to show up at 8. I was meeting my girlfriends at the bar downstairs for a quick drink, then see how the night went with him. 

We've been seeing each other for a whole three weeks or so. I'm the bathroom in my gigantic football tshirt I won one night at the bar downstairs. And there's a knock on the door. Shit. He's early and I look like crap.

I open the door and I'm like, I just need 5 minutes. Jesus, he brought me a brownie. A few minutes later, I hear my name. My girls had been drinking in the afternoon. We go over to the window and they're on the sidewalk yelling to me to come downstairs.  What ever happened to just texting someone when you get there?

Me: I was supposed to have a drink with the girls before you got here. You ok if we go downstairs for one drink?

Him: Totally ok with that. 

And apparently he's totally ok with anything I do because this is how the night went:

I don't have a cute nickname for him yet, so today, he's just "The Guy". We get in the elevator and true to form he picks me up over his head and kisses me. I'm thinking, put me down before you drop me! Not that it's so romantic that this is his "thing". 

We enter the bar. The girls are having another drink. One of them knocks her glass over - red wine everywhere. I try to jump in, but he's like, no, I don't want you to get any on your dress, I'll do it. He mops up the wine. 

One of the girls is honest to goodness gone at this point, the other one, just honest. He starts up a conversation with her, this is one of my best friends, he's trying to make a good impression. She tells him that she knows where he works and if he hurts me, she'll hunt him down. He takes that, then she tells him about her date on Friday and he gives her some dating advice. 

We go upstairs to watch a movie, we'd planned on a low-key night of just talking and hanging out. I decide well, we're a few weeks in, time to tell the JW story. So...I was raised in a cult. And people shun me. And I'm divorced. 

He's sweet about it. 

I change into my negligee to go to bed, look out the window and there's my ex-boyfriend, on the sidewalk, looking up at my window. 

Me: I've gotta go.

I throw a coat on and run downstairs. He's gone. 

I come back upstairs and the guy is like, I think we should talk about this. You see your ex out your window and run downstairs in a negligee without even talking to me? 

I agree. It was not well thought out. 

There's a knock on the door. I open it and said Ex walks right in. 

Him: Is this the guy? 

Me: This is not a good time, you have to leave. 

Back and forth for a few minutes while The Guy pretends to not be in the room. 

He leaves. 

One of the many friends who have a key to my apartment shows up to crash on the couch. 

I'm a train wreck and this date could possibly win "worst date ever" in some kind of competition. 

The three of us wake up together this morning and I roll over and look at this poor guy. He kissed me and just said: what are you doing on Tuesday? :)