Nautical Disaster

Sometimes I feel adrift. Okay, more like I'm sinking. Like right now. But there are a few people who are always there for me.

And I have to say thank you. Jay always says "I got you". And I gotta admit, he does. You can't leave the apartment? I'll come over and hold your hand so you can take your dog out. You need money? Clothes? Company? I got you.

And he's not the only one but I figured it was time for him to deserve his own blog.

Last week was not great. I had to meet with a lawyer to resolve some issues. I had to contact my ex-husband to resolve some other things. Then the JWs thought it would be a good time to swoop in. Remind me of all the things I try to forget. I broke up with the guy I was seeing. I kept thinking about taking the sword off the wall and making this time be the last time I feel like this.

Then I thought about Donia, who was one of the best friends and best people I've ever known. She beat cancer twice. The third time won. Most people don't understand it, but depression is a disease too. She was so mad at me when I tried to kill myself because she fought so hard to live.

So round three is not going to get me. My bounce back time is getting better every time. I just hate this version of me. On the other hand, how lucky am I to have people who stick with me every time?

When Donia was dying, I sat by her hospital bed for hours every week, even when she didn't know I was there. I guess the Universe does pay it back when you're a good person.

This whole story didn't end up being all about Jay. :) But he did used to drive me to the hospital to see her and wait outside for me and take me home. He sits with me when I cry. He makes sure I eat. He loves Max. He's paid my vet bills when I couldn't and slept by my side when I couldn't be trusted to be alone.

Depression lies to us. It tells us that we are not worthy of love. That we are weak. And society hasn't caught up to accepting the fact that this is not some made up condition in our head. And those stigmas? They aren't true.

If you are dealing with this too, just know you're not alone. And the fights not over until we decide it is. Me? The sword will stay on the wall. I'll be on that plane on Friday and soon I'll taste salt water again. I'm the Captain of my sinking boat. I can choose not to drown. : )

Sullivan out.

Be my Valentine...?

Yesterday I got in a taxi, then on a plane, and then another plane. Had lunch with my uncle in Halifax and then onto a bus. My aunt picked me up at the gas station and 12 and half hours later I was home. 

I woke up to this:

I've never been much for sleeping in and this is the perfect place to watch the sun come up. My aunt was very well prepared for V-Day. She had flowers for Grandma, cards and presents. I even got one - she gave me this - a pretty crystal I can hang in the window and when the sun hits it - rainbows will be everywhere in the apartment. I think I lucked out. :)

I know that this is just a silly, commercial holiday that really shouldn't matter. But to a lot of girls it does. I have friends who say it makes them feel more single if they don't have someone to spend it with. I have friends whose boyfriends completely forget to do anything sweet for them at all. If you go on Instagram or FaceBook though you can see from the pictures there are tons of girls whose boyfriends/husbands/significant others are really well prepared for this made-up holiday. 

Having grown up "holiday free" I don't buy in to spending tons of money to follow the crowd. But I also think that any occasion that reminds us to show love and affection to the people in our lives - even in little ways - is not a bad thing. And hey, who doesn't like flowers or chocolates? Those people cannot be trusted!

I'll share the worst story I heard today. My girlfriend has recently reconnected with an ex. A BIG ex. He asked for a place to stay for a little bit. She hummed and wondered what the right thing to do would be. She went the way a lot of us do (I've been there) and said sure, she could give him a month. We're women, we're compassionate. And we've all been in situations where someone went out of their way to help us out. 

She found out today, on Valentines Day, the day that once upon a time ago they had planned their wedding for - that he's actually married now and never told her. Ouch. 

I think the best thing to do today is to make a date with your BFF and not let society dictate your happiness, whether or not you received those red roses. My plan, were I in Toronto now was to hit up a wine show at an art gallery with Lindsay. Y'all know I don't date anymore, but a few of the huge dogs here have tried to make out with me. There is love in the air! There's a lovely bouquet of flowers on the table, I think I'll just take a pic and post it on Instagram. My hot, rich, sensitive, doctor/lawyer/CEO boyfriend must have bought them for me right? He's so sweet. :)

I did have a date with two different men today. They were okay but both of them turned out to sorta be an ass. I don't see a long term future for us.  

I say it all the time, the most important person you should love is you. If you're staying in tonight, find something special for you - and just for you. Pick up some flowers. Buy a nice bottle of wine. Give yourself a facial and listen to the music you love (because there's no boy there to tell you to turn off your Taylor Swift cd! Yay!) If you're still a little sad read this: You Complete Me...?  All you fabulous women deserve it! And if you're a little lonely, you can borrow one of the donkeys. :)

Sullivan out. 

PS - There is one man I desperately miss and wish I was having cuddle time with tonight. Max!!

Since he was abandoned on New Years Day, I've distributed flyers and had quite a bit of interest from people in the community who want to adopt him. It's not too late (yet - but soon it will be! 5 days to go!) to contribute to our crowdfunding campaign to cover some of his vet bills. 

Even $10 helps. One of my friends got his tip money from work and gave us $10 in loonies. It was much appreciated. Click here to support us!