Lindsay loves it when I blog about her so here we go. My friend is focused. She knows what she wants and it's just love at the end of the day. I can't even count how many dates she's been on. (Just dates, don't go thinking all dirty.)
I can't remember everyone's name and sometimes I mix them all up. I usually do not like them. I told one of them that one night. We went for dinner and I just looked at him and said, I don't like you. I was right, he was an asshole, but she was understandably worried when I was coming over to meet her new boyfriend.
He is lovely. Even my jaded, critical mind couldn't find anything wrong with him. He made us dinner and did the dishes so we could have some alone time to catch up. We all want to be loved. Some of us just work harder at it. I don't really date. I hate new people and they always end up being disappointing.
I did date one guy this past year who got to me. In seven years since Adam, no one gets to me. My heart has really huge walls and they are covered in barb wire, unless you are in the inner circle, you don't get in.
He was a very old friend though and I actually loved him. It irritates me how everyone says it wasn't a "real relationship". Yah I'm talking about you, my family. If something feels real to you, all the people who judge you are just noise. Hey, I've spent 7 years on here talking about Adam. I don't care about that anymore. If all this guy did is get me to the other side, good on him.
I told Lindsay they were moving too fast. But, I'm just noise. I want her to be happy and she is. I just can't shake the side of me that doesn't trust anyone anymore. That prefers to be alone rather than to be courageous and put myself out there like she does.
I literally have three people I trust. Four people if we count my therapist. I cherish them. People who I know, in my darkest hour, I can call and they won't judge me. If the depression comes back and I can't leave the apartment, they will walk my dog. And make me eat. Three people is all you really need. :)
Meryl Streep said last night to take your broken heart and turn it into art, My heart has been broken so many times I can't count it anymore. I hate that I still love those people. But I'm working on a book. And the broken places? They are all just blog fodder. I am still cute. I could pretend on social media that I'm perfect. You would never know the truth. I'd rather be honest. That's why y'all still read me right?
Sullivan out.
That book is gonna be awesome!!!!💕💕xo
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