I'm feeling super chipper today, it's been a LONG time since I've gone a whole day without a panic attack. I've been kicking ass and taking names at work this week though, so that helps. Everyone is on vacation, so Liz and I have been able to take breaks and sit in the sunshine in the park across the street. That helps.
I said goodbye to my mom and sister and disassociated myself from the JWs. That helps. I think the Universe wanted to make me make sure I was really, really ready because I've run into about 6 of them in the past few days, which is a little out of the ordinary. I'm ready Universe, stop it! Go pick on someone else. :)
So being that I'm feeling so happy, let me depress you with another story about Julia. While I realize now it's really difficult to write someone else's story, I think it's important for us to recognize mental health issues as just as serious as any other health problem. She thinks she's bi-polar, has always had a problem being inside her own head.
Which can be terrifying. Especially in her case, when her parents were so dead set against admitting anything was wrong. Personally, I've been in therapy for 4 years. I don't go all that often anymore, but if I leave it too long, I can feel that something's wrong. I've become one of those annoying people who starts sentences with "My therapist says..." :) But my therapist is fucking awesome so this is how it is.
Apparently, when she was trying to decide whether to get treatment her dad called her a "wuss". She wrote in her diary that killing herself was easier than getting help. But then she also wrote that writing could save her life. I can totally relate to that, if it wasn't for this blog, I'd be much more crazy than I am today. When she finally decided to check herself into the psych ward, her mom called. She sounded so tired, so worried, so scared...so annoyed. And what does Julia say? She wants to tell the truth but she keeps her mouth shut so people around her won't be hurt.
Being afraid you'll hurt yourself is a very serious problem. It doesn't help though if when you're trying to get that help everyone around you acts like it's their problem. I get it, we all worry about the people we love. But putting that burden on them when they are fragile? Not the greatest idea ever.
Julia doesn't really want to die though. There's an exciting paragraph about how her boyfriend Cory came to visit her in the hospital and brought her the greatest dinner ever. She couldn't understand why he was still there, but she needed him and he was. I know him, he's a good guy. :)
I asked J the other day why he puts up with my constant shit, and he just smiled and said he guessed he was a sucker for punishment. Thank God for these guys. We all know they're rare, most single men are full of shit. (No offence men!)
I think the thing we're all striving for is not wealth or recognition, as nice as those things are. We just want to be loved for who we are and find a way to inner peace. I'm almost there. Julia is working on it. She wrote this:
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