Wrapping up a perfect weekend, I really wish I had a cleaning lady. There's dishes to wash and laundry to do and I just want to curl up with my new books and be lazy.
Friday night I went to see my oldest friend in TO, Donia. We went for a walk and had the greatest sushi ever, laughed our way through conversation about her terrible new enemy, cancer. It's not a funny situation, but she's one of the best people I've ever met and she's meeting it the same way she did the first time. With grace, dignity and humour. Let's all pray/send positive energy, whatever it is you believe in. You may not know her, but if you did, you would love her immediately. So just do it. Then I went to see my guy.
We got up on Saturday, went out for breakfast at a greasy spoon, watched a movie. Now, coming out of this weekend I have a couple of suggestions for you on what you should watch/read next. This is based on a TRUE story, you might have missed it because it's a foreign film. Set in France, it tells the story of an unlikely friendship. A rich guy who became a quadriplegic from a paragliding accident hires a young guy from the projects to be his caretaker. Trust me, it's a good story: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1675434/
So I know I keep saying I broke up with J., but right now things are really good. We always have tons of fun together, it's just logistically almost impossible, working completely different schedules. But lately we've both been doing a little give and take on the time management. Tuesday nights are just for us, sometimes I come home and take a nap after work and then go for a little visit once he gets off work late. It's not a perfect situation, but we'll see how it goes.
He is a great guy though and he takes care of me. God knows, it's been a long time since anyone has done that. He makes me dinner after work on his days off. He actually researched the JWs and found support sites where I could interact with other people in the same situation. This weekend, he brought me a book called "Further Along the Road Less Traveled". You should read it. It's written by a psychologist and he starts it off with "Life is Hard." And it is, but this book is a very positive workbook/advice piece that would apply to anyone who is facing any kind of challenges in life. We've all got 'em. And we can feel sorry for ourselves, bury our head in the sand, run and hide. Or we can stand up and face them, learn how to cope and how to heal. If you need some positive reinforcement and practical tips on how to do that, buy this book. (Also on a much less socially responsible theme, I'm reading Game of Thrones and I'm addicted. Don't read it after you've been drinking though, it's almost impossible to keep everyone straight even when you're trying really hard to pay attention!)
Saturday night one of my best girlfriends got us tickets to my favorite band, Blue Rodeo. How many times have I seen them, you're asking? 573. No, not really, but almost. I ran into Jim Cuddy once in Kensington Market and I told him I loved him, but he just laughed. (He'll come around eventually, just like Clooney. Also, "Try" just never really gets old, does it?)
Today, I woke up early and made my way across town (I hate the TTC. I only take it for people I really love.) and ran into subway closures, shuttle buses, all the things I hate about public transportation. Eventually, I made it to Etobicoke and Leslie and T. were waiting for me outside the station, watching a mother swallow feed her baby. I LOVE this family. Dating that guy was one of the best decisions I ever made, because I can't imagine life without him, his parents and his daughter. When I told my brother yesterday I was going sailing, he said, "Oh, with your other family?" and they are my family now. I'm not sure what, besides an extreme human decency would make a family take on someone as messed up as I was 2 years ago when they met me. I've been to more Sunday night dinners than I can remember, actually I was wrong when I said it was a long time since anyone has taken care of me. They do. I'm always invited to Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, Christmas,Thanksgiving. Leslie and I go to shows together and Ron signs his emails "Your Toronto Dad". We go sailing on the weekend, hang out at the yacht club on Toronto Island. They tell all their friends at the club that I'm adopted.
When they drop me off at the end of the day at Harbourfront so I won't have to make my way home on the subway, everyone is always looking at me like this is strange. So today I hopped off the boat and said to the couple who were openly staring at me: "Yah, my taxi is a yacht."
This blog is already too long, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't say something about the JWs. I disassociated myself, which is a small victory, given that they make the same announcement as they do when you are disfellowshipped, so no one will actually know it was my choice this time. I feel bad, guilt has been so ingrained in my life growing up with them, I don't know how to feel any differently. I regret the fact that my choice will hurt some people, and it wasn't easy that this will hurt people who are absent in my life, but who I still love.
I feel good though, knowing that this time, it's my decision, my choice. I haven't felt like me in years. I get glimpses, yes, but the real me? She left me a long time ago. Lately, I think she's making her way back. And this time, I'm going to take care of her.
Watch that movie and read that book. : )
Sullivan out.
No comments:
Post a Comment