The Dream Lives

"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." - Anne of Green Gables

Nails, done. Candles, lit. Taylor Swift on the stereo, check. Called my dad. New Years Eve is on track. I have a hot date tonight (and no, it's not my brother). Although you weren't crazy to think that. It's Lindsay. She made me promise weeks ago to be her date, apparently she wants to kiss me at midnight.

It's been quite the week. Christmas parties, spa day, birthdays. Surprise visit from the American. Old friends in town. A date with my mother...I brought flowers. I'm not all that attached to 2012, not really sad to see it go. Although I am another year older, I guess we all are. But we didn't die in a Mayan Apocalypse, so that's good.

I went to see Les Mis today with Linda. She's been Linda to me for a long time, but we're both working on getting back to her being my mom. I love Les Mis. Saw it twice on stage. It's super depressing, don't go see it if you're feeling sad.

For the longest time, all the words to all the songs were true. After everything I did in my past life, I didn't understand how God had been so unforgiving to me and I hated him for it. I used to think it was better if there wasn't a God at all, because if he was there, he was an asshole. "I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living"...that line was so familiar I can't understand how I'm not the one who wrote it in the first place. But I know I'm not the only one who understands such deep pain. Lately, the little hell seems to be gone. And the dream lives.

Happy New Year!