All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy

“They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” -Andy Warhol

Three years ago, my life wasn't very happy. A lot of time has gone by since then, and I'm still working on the Happiness Project. They say time heals all wounds, and for many of them, it does. All of them maybe. Healing old wounds though doesn't mean they don't leave a scar.

Three years ago, I fell in love, really in love, for the first and only time ever. We worked together, so insanely enough, some of the happiest times I ever had were spent at the office. I was actually excited to come to work in the morning and I hated the weekends. We worked really hard, and it was super stressful. Found ourselves basically running the whole company at one point, like a couple of kids without a babysitter. But the stress was interrupted by ordering dinner in, going for coffee, drinks after work next door. Some of the happiest times of my life.

Tonight, I had a meeting with a colleague at work who, like so many others there, seems to want to help me get where I want to go. She gave me some good advice over a glass of red wine. And on the way home, I realized I lost my lip gloss. So I went to pick some up and found myself, like so many, many, many times before, in front of my old office. But this time it was different. Because tomorrow, they are moving. They won't be two blocks away anymore, on my way home from work. Running into Adam in the park at lunchtime. So I went in. I walked around, sat at my old desk in my old office, went next door to Adam's office and sat there for a few minutes. Looked out the window, thought about all the times we sat in there talking, laughing, "working late".

Even though those times have been over for ages, there was a sense of finality that I felt there tonight. We cheers-ed each other over a glass of Baileys, caught up for a bit, hugged goodbye. And that's when I started to cry. I'm happy he's getting out of there, going somewhere busier, livelier, less full of crazy old memories. Lots of good memories, lots of bad ones.

I'm afraid though, that for all my effort and hard work and trying to change things myself, and as many blessings I've been granted along the way, and as many great people that I've met, I'll never be in love again. Not the way the way I was with him. And we're fine now, friends even. But, Tonight was the end of an era. I've gotten good at it, but I still hate change.