Snowbird

It's snowing in Toronto. The kind of snow that actually sticks to the ground and stays. It's pretty.

After the week from hell, where I was at work at least 10 hours a day, went to all my classes, wrote a paper, went to a work dinner last night and had two days of all day meetings...it wasn't so bad. In fact, I kind of had fun.

In all my bitching about past lives and lost loves, the Universe has actually taken very good care of me. Yes, my job is stressful. But I'm surrounded by good people, who care about me, my development and career path. I don't think everyone out there can say that.

I am exhausted though. I went over to Krista's tonight, had one glass of wine, cuddled with the cats, and...fell asleep while watching Ellen. Woke up at 3 am with pillow marks on my face. Good thing she only lives across the hall. (By the way, Ellen, Hello!! I have more than 6,000 reads on my blog. When are you going to call me? Don't make me go to Oprah.)

I keep trying to figure out what I can cut out of life to make it more manageable. It appears...the answer is nothing. The only two things I could do without is the volunteer work and the weekend job. And they both make me oh so happy.

It was birthday week at work. Apparently half the CMO team is Sagittarius. After a season of Libras and Scorpios, this is a change. So on top of everything else, I had fun running around, buying presents and cakes and writing cards. Next is Krista, the Capricorn, then I guess, us Pisces.

I don't know who out there keeps reading this. Some random thoughts strung together by a girl who just had to tell her story. But if you are reading me, know this. Robert Frost wrote a poem about the road not taken. Two roads diverged. I shall be telling this with a sigh...familiar? He left the first one for another day. But knowing how way leads to way...you never come back. You are forever committed to the one you chose. Adam said to me the other day, why don't you just go back? I could, tomorrow if I wanted to.

Because Adam, and everyone else, I made a choice. It was my choice and I own it. It was the right choice. Will I always miss the ones I left behind? Who feel they can't have anything to do with me unless I come back to the group? Absolutely. Will I cry, write sappy blogs about them, get down at times? Yes. Will I ever meet someone who can handle all of this and love me anyway? Doubtful.

But I have some amazing friends. A great job. Good family. And I made my own family. People who I never really knew, but now we're all connected in the best way. And I can walk down the street knowing every single day, that I didn't take the easy road. Nothing wrong with those who do. It must be the right path for a lot of us, or else it wouldn't be so popular. And I'm happy for those who find it works. But this complicated, romantic, idealistic girl needs something different. She was stuck in a little hell for a long time, but has mostly found her way out.

As Oscar Wilde said, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

PS - Ellen, call me!! (I realize my campaign to get on The Ellen Degeneres show is mostly crazy, but hey, once I do, everyone will read my blog, I'll get a book deal and I can go live on the coast in Italy and write the follow-up. Wait for it...)