Bird by Bird

I know what you're going to say and you're right. I haven't written anything lately. I think I have writer's block. So instead I've spent countless hours coloring this picture for you and reading this book on writing. But my ADD must have set in and I doubt I'll finish either of them anytime soon, so it is what it is and "you're welcome"!

Y'all should actually just be happy that the entire bird isn't black. That was an option. I don't really feel like that anymore. For people who struggle with depression and anxiety the darkness comes and goes. For me, it's still here sometimes, it might never go away. But with more and more of us being open, building a community where we feel comfortable talking about our struggle and then also celebrating our successes, together we are making progress.

Don't doubt that and don't feel like you're alone. What I've learned is that sometimes we're in the light. We use those times to shine it on others who might need a little help. When we're in the darkness and they are in the light, they'll return the favour.

Yes, that coffee mug does say " Write like a Motherfucker" in the shape of a heart. It was a gift from someone I dearly love. Another friend bought me the coloring book. My friends get me.

And I would totally recommend the book: Bird by bird written by Anne Lamott if you're looking for some writing tips.

Also, if anyone wants to buy me a pencil sharpener that would be awesome. I don't even know where to get one. It's 2016. Do people still have pencil sharpeners? :)

Have yourself an awesome day. And be kind. Everyone you know is fighting their own battle.

Sullivan out.

Fragile Bird

Over 2,500 years ago, the Buddha identified anger as one of the three poisons that hinder our progress towards liberation from suffering. 

In psychology, it's also #2 in the five stages of grief. Grieving is a personal process that has no time limit and no one "right way" to do it. 

I'm so over the Jehovah's Witnesses. There are only five people who still have a hold over me, who are able to make me sad, bring back the depression, the sleepless nights, the panic attacks. People I have been trying to forget about for the past five years. They are, in order of importance: Travis, Adam, Vivian, Erin and Linda. I don't usually use real names on here anymore so you may have no idea who they are and that's okay. I just wanted to say their names. 

I'm a little bit angry at them, but anger has never really been my go-to emotion. I mostly just get sad. 

Below is a link to an interesting article. Almost half of the people dealing with depression and mental health issues wouldn't disclose them - to family, work, friends. For fear of the stigma related to the condition. If you have cancer, that's socially acceptable. People will rally around you, support you, talk about their friend who is fighting such a courageous battle. (And they should - this is in no way trying to belittle what those brave people go through.) This battle though? Is for the most part silent. God forbid anyone knows you're crying in the bathroom at work, faking your smile at lunch with a friend or even worse, not leaving the house at all so you don't have to put in all that effort. 

http://www.thestar.com/life/health_wellness/2015/02/27/im-writing-this-because-i-dont-want-to-die-jowita-bydlowska-on-shame-and-mental-illness.html

We should talk about it though. We should make those who are suffering feel they have support to speak up and seek help. The alternative? On average 4,000 Canadians die every year from suicide. 

Recently, I've been sad again, I've been angry. I can't predict that it won't come back. But I don't want to be that fragile bird that lets other people control how I feel about myself. It's too much power to give them. 

My best friends favorite cousin passed away. She received a short, curt email from the family. No invitation to the funeral. I honestly don't understand these people. Where is their compassion and love they preach so passionately about? 

There has been a wave of media coverage on the sex abuse scandals and cover ups amoungst the Jehovah's Witnesses recently. That makes me happy. Not that those things happened, but that people are becoming strong enough to speak out against them. 

This reporter has done a lot of work to tell the truth: 
https://www.facebook.com/TreyBundy?ref=profile

Let's show our support for all the people who have suffered or are suffering now. For the people who are brave enough to speak out and have a voice. If enough of us can do it, we may be able to make a difference. Not to break the stigma of mental health (that will take much more time). Not to take down a multi-billion dollar organization who pleads the first amendment as a reason they can cover up child abuse cases within their congregations. (That may never happen.)

One of the smartest people I know - my boss - always says we have to start to start. 

I got this for my birthday (not to kill anyone with, my therapist just thought I needed some inspiration to feel more empowered).

We might be fragile on our own, but together who knows what we can do? Let's not give up and look to each others stories and battles for hope, courage and inspiration. 

Sullivan out.