"Somebody who loves me someone who cares. Another piece of my heart lying on the ground."
I was talking to a friend this morning. He asked how I was. I said I'd been running around, working a lot, and two of my best friends and two of their kids all have birthdays in a three week span. I told Jay yesterday maybe it was better to be in the cult because birthdays are a lot of work.
Jay has always been so overboard on the holidays with me. Perfect Christmas trees that we put up in November and take down in January. Perfect presents. He always said he felt so sad I didn't get to have holidays growing up. I didn't understand why he was sad. For me it was just par for the course. It took me a long time to catch up with even remembering when the holidays were.
My dad wasn't in the cult so he would give me birthday and Christmas presents. My mother would make me give them back. I was maybe 6?
Being there with my girlfriends kids and seeing pictures, there were presents and cake and candles and happiness. I finally understood why he felt bad for me.
I still don't really feel bad for myself. Because look at what I found. The best friends, the best guy. Real, not fake happiness.
Maybe it's time to let the old life die. :)
Sullivan out.
Showing posts with label happyfuture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happyfuture. Show all posts
Monday, 30 September 2019
Wednesday, 10 July 2019
Beautiful Trauma
The older you get the more you realize that your problems are not worse than anyone else's, just different. My guy always says "First World Problems, Margaux". He didn't exactly grow up here so he gets to say that.
I can't help but wonder though, can two broken people make one whole amazing person if they are together? Because we've all got our demons. I'm throwing the question out there but here's what I think: yes and no. We need to keep working on ourselves. Every day. If it's a bad day, go to bed and start over again tomorrow. Tomorrow is always new with no mistakes in it.
I don't believe though we're meant to go it alone in life. Whether it's a romantic partner, a best friend, a mentor or family, we need someone to be the mirror back to us. Because what we see in the mirror is not always accurate. Unless you're a millenial, it's probably self-defeating sometimes what you see when you look at yourself. (No hate for millenials but they think they are the shit.)
I'm a late bloomer. Took me a long time to realize the type of people I needed around me. I tried to go it alone for a long time because I couldn't figure it out. Then...I found people as perfectly imperfect as I was. Jay is my real mirror, him and my best girlfriends. We're honest with each other, we keep trying to improve and we make each other better. Together? I think we can be amazing and make something beautiful out of the ashes of our pasts. :)
Sullivan out.
I can't help but wonder though, can two broken people make one whole amazing person if they are together? Because we've all got our demons. I'm throwing the question out there but here's what I think: yes and no. We need to keep working on ourselves. Every day. If it's a bad day, go to bed and start over again tomorrow. Tomorrow is always new with no mistakes in it.
I don't believe though we're meant to go it alone in life. Whether it's a romantic partner, a best friend, a mentor or family, we need someone to be the mirror back to us. Because what we see in the mirror is not always accurate. Unless you're a millenial, it's probably self-defeating sometimes what you see when you look at yourself. (No hate for millenials but they think they are the shit.)
I'm a late bloomer. Took me a long time to realize the type of people I needed around me. I tried to go it alone for a long time because I couldn't figure it out. Then...I found people as perfectly imperfect as I was. Jay is my real mirror, him and my best girlfriends. We're honest with each other, we keep trying to improve and we make each other better. Together? I think we can be amazing and make something beautiful out of the ashes of our pasts. :)
Sullivan out.
Thursday, 20 March 2014
Hope Springs Eternal
Welcome to Spring 2014!
I'm not ringing it in quite the way I'd like to, I've been home in bed all week. There's some super virus going around Toronto which many of my friends and colleagues have fallen victim to. When I went to the doctor on Tuesday and she told me I had it, I was scared. Although I wasn't feeling well at all, her exact words were "You will feel much, much worse before you feel better." Oh, and apparently it lasts anywhere from a week to a week and a half. She wrote me a sick note from work until NEXT Wednesday, said there was nothing they could do for me since it's viral and to go home, get lots of rest and drink plenty of liquids. I really can't miss a week and a half of work, but when I woke up yesterday morning, I knew she was right. I'm not going anywhere right now.
Last night was the worst so far, I woke up around midnight completely drenched in sweat. My hair was wet, my face was wet, my clothes were soaking, it was as if I'd inadvertently taken a sleepwalking shower and just realized it now a couple of minutes later. I was so hot I thought I might die and possibly slightly delirious. As a precaution, I went and got my phone out and put it under my pillow in case I needed to call 911. Being sick alone is not like being sick when you live with someone and they might notice if you're dying and take you to the doctor. You gotta fend for yourself in the middle of the night.
Luckily, it passed and I felt better this morning (I use the term "better" loosely - I haven't even been well enough to read or watch tv, two of the greatest perks of being sick).
In the spirit of today being the first day of spring and trying to be an eternal optimist, at 2 am today when I felt so sick here are some of the things running through my mind that I was/am oh-so-grateful for:
- I have a bed to be crazy sick in. I know a lot of people suffer worse sicknesses and don't have that luxury.
- I have a job that won't fire me (fingers crossed! just kidding) if I come in next week with a doctor's note.
- I actually had a friend from work walk over here last night in the rain with food supplies, vitamin drinks and a People magazine. It was so sweet of her to do that.
- My other friends have called, FaceTimed and reached out, I even heard from my mother in Panama.
- What girl would say no to losing a few pounds before spring?
- By the time I can leave the house, the weather might actually be nice out!
- Sunshine, flowers and wee dresses are just around the corner - need I say more?
Y'all know I'm a new beginnings junkie. We've all been sick, depressed, cranky lately, fed up with this long, cold winter but that's going to turn around very soon and you'll see - this spring will be awesome. As long as I don't die. :)
Sullivan out.
I'm not ringing it in quite the way I'd like to, I've been home in bed all week. There's some super virus going around Toronto which many of my friends and colleagues have fallen victim to. When I went to the doctor on Tuesday and she told me I had it, I was scared. Although I wasn't feeling well at all, her exact words were "You will feel much, much worse before you feel better." Oh, and apparently it lasts anywhere from a week to a week and a half. She wrote me a sick note from work until NEXT Wednesday, said there was nothing they could do for me since it's viral and to go home, get lots of rest and drink plenty of liquids. I really can't miss a week and a half of work, but when I woke up yesterday morning, I knew she was right. I'm not going anywhere right now.
Last night was the worst so far, I woke up around midnight completely drenched in sweat. My hair was wet, my face was wet, my clothes were soaking, it was as if I'd inadvertently taken a sleepwalking shower and just realized it now a couple of minutes later. I was so hot I thought I might die and possibly slightly delirious. As a precaution, I went and got my phone out and put it under my pillow in case I needed to call 911. Being sick alone is not like being sick when you live with someone and they might notice if you're dying and take you to the doctor. You gotta fend for yourself in the middle of the night.
Luckily, it passed and I felt better this morning (I use the term "better" loosely - I haven't even been well enough to read or watch tv, two of the greatest perks of being sick).
In the spirit of today being the first day of spring and trying to be an eternal optimist, at 2 am today when I felt so sick here are some of the things running through my mind that I was/am oh-so-grateful for:
- I have a bed to be crazy sick in. I know a lot of people suffer worse sicknesses and don't have that luxury.
- I have a job that won't fire me (fingers crossed! just kidding) if I come in next week with a doctor's note.
- I actually had a friend from work walk over here last night in the rain with food supplies, vitamin drinks and a People magazine. It was so sweet of her to do that.
- My other friends have called, FaceTimed and reached out, I even heard from my mother in Panama.
- What girl would say no to losing a few pounds before spring?
- By the time I can leave the house, the weather might actually be nice out!
- Sunshine, flowers and wee dresses are just around the corner - need I say more?
Y'all know I'm a new beginnings junkie. We've all been sick, depressed, cranky lately, fed up with this long, cold winter but that's going to turn around very soon and you'll see - this spring will be awesome. As long as I don't die. :)
Sullivan out.
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