Love Lost

Yup I have a new song. Here ya go. Look at me, not throwing up, back on the laptop. I guess the medication I was on was just the wrong one. I'm feeling better already. It'll probably take a couple of days to recover but that's okay. What I really needed was just some hope that it would improve. The new one says that I should avoid sunlight so 
it's possible that I've become a vampire. I would like that, because being raised JW I believed I would stay young forever and now, we've got that covered. 

Sidepoint: I can't believe I ever believed that. 

I have two stories for you today. 

#1: Blood tests are bad. My doctor ordered them so I went the day before yesterday. I'm afraid of blood and needles and that's the whole reason I didn't become a nurse. I psyched myself up though and went. The first vial, no problem. But there were 8 of them. The second one broke. The blood spurts out, the needle is still in my arm, I freak out. I screamed, I started crying. They were trying to calm me down and I was like, No we're done for today. I'm here because I have anxiety issues. This is enough for one day, get that needle out of my arm. I went back yesterday and explained to the nurse that I needed to get these done, but I was having a panic attack and I couldn't handle any exploding vials of blood. She was great and talked me through it. Now I'm afraid people on the street might mistake me for a heroin addict because of how my arms look, but other than that I'm okay. :)

#2: Don't give up. It's been five years for me trying to figure out how to get back to my family. I'd given up on the thought that my mother and sister were ever going to be feasible relationships. I've changed so much and not in a way they like. 

But my mother found out I've been unwell and Facetimed me yesterday. She said I hurt her with the Canadian Living article. I said they hurt me when I was suicidal and going through a divorce and I was completely alone. We agreed to move forward. I don't hold grudges, I think that's bad karma for us. 

Then she showed me this. She bought me a Blackbird. It made me feel like she's finally accepted me for who I am.  Which is not all together, which is not a JW. Which is an imperfect person trying to make the best of things. I am a Blackbird. But I kinda like it. :)

Sullivan out.