Somewhere Over the Rainbow

My family has been having a difficult time of it lately. I worry about all of them. I worry about me right now too. We've all come so far, through extremely difficult periods of time, sometimes because of our own mistakes, sometimes because of circumstances that were out of our control. 

My new hobby has been learning to read tarot cards. You're supposed to pull a "card of the day" and 5 days out of 7 I pull the Five of Swords. Cups are good, I kinda hate the Pentacles and the Major Arcana cards are always interesting. But the Five of Swords is always there. It means change, and the more you resist it, the more difficult you make life for yourself. You need to adjust to change brought on by distress or loss. It's an uncomfortable process but a necessary one. 

One I've been going through for five years now. 

They're right you know. It's a difficult process but a necessary one. I know I am more lucky than most of the world's population and I do not discount that. Y'all know I've been off work for awhile though and that's not easy either...gives you too much time to think. Then I had to have surgery on Saturday, I was at the hospital alone and that's no fun for 9 hours. Apparently I'm a bleeder so if I end up back in there and call you, please pick up. :)

I have to believe though that somehow this will all make sense. I don't believe in an afterlife heaven or hell, I think they are both here, in the present. 

I can't really make sense of death or suffering, but at least I no longer just believe that Jehovah knows best. Any God who would take people we love from us, or force us to undergo suffering for the sake of making us better people, I don't want to know him. Suffering does make us better people though, if we learn from it and use it to help others. I wish I could go home right now and be with my family, whatever small comfort that would bring. 

But I can barely walk and I'm broke. 

My spirit is still hopeful that things will improve. And that somewhere over the rainbow, we'll all find peace and contentment. In the meantime, I have the best friends in the world taking care of me. I'll be fine. For now, I'm sending as much love as possible to my family down East. 

Sullivan out.