Secret Garden

I have a friend (ok perhaps more than one, probably several, we all know I embellish on here, so who knows what the real statistics are) who is currently in a good relationship. With someone great. Being the constant third wheel/there for you girlfriend to my girlfriends, I see both sides of each story.

The term "Single and Fabulous!" (exclamation point) vs "Single and Fabulous?" (question mark), "once you are over 30" dilemma cannot be ignored. We all know I don't have to worry about that because I've been 27 forever. But for all my friends out there, I wonder, are we settling? And do we only do that once something happens which makes the ! that we usually feel gets replaced with a ?

I don't blame men, who are for the most part generous and caring and thoughtful. (This statement excludes all you assholes out there. When we make a conscious decision to date you, there are other issues at the root of that.) I blame us. Because once we've been really in love once, and lost it, we hide a lot away. We don't want to be needy, we're big girls now who make our own paychecks and have our own fabulous apartments with our cats and dogs. We also don't want to get hurt again. And we definitely get sick of being lonely. And we never have to be. Because we are fabulous!/?

I do believe though that a lot of women are going through life, hoping they will someday find what they are looking for, giving someone else a chance to see if that will happen, and then cultivating a secret garden of disappointment when what they are looking for never materializes. One they will complain to their girlfriends about. If what we are in is working for us now, we should go with it, realizing this is exactly what we need at the moment. I firmly believe there are a million reasons to be with someone else and most of them don't include getting married and living happily ever after (don't even get me started on how getting married doesn't always mean we're living happily ever after). But if that's what you're looking for, if you are secretly every day dissatisfied with the here and now...why be afraid to be alone until you find it? You're doing both yourself and that other person a favour in the end.

Like gardening, trying to understand a woman is nothing but a labour of love and takes a lot of time and effort. We don't say what we want. But we reserve the right to be completely hurt and disappointed when we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating. And terrifying. :)

I'm a different kind of bird, because no matter who it is, I could leave anyone at anytime. It doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate all the current people in my life, I really do, but I'm acutely aware of how temporary every relationship in this life can be.

One thing that I did notice today though was all three of my best Toronto girlfriends proved how exceptional they are are in different ways. It was a good day. And whatever happens with the boys, as long as we have each other, we'll all be just fine. We're fabulous!