Is it better to have loved and lost?

Apparently the LCBO might go on strike within the next hour. Jesus Christ. What will we all do? I was talking to literally all my neighbours about it yesterday and the general feeling is that we'll live through it because at least the Wine Rack and the Beer Store are not affiliated with the LCBO.

I can't possibly drink Ontario wine though, so I'll probably just lose 10 lbs. Which is not a bad thing, considering swimsuit season is upon us.

I have to say it's been an interesting week. I got some BIG news, the kind that makes you need to sit down and think about it. Worst case scenario, (and probably) I'm getting disfellowshipped again. People always ask, they can do that twice? Answer: they can do it as many times as they want to. Bring it on. Living through it the first time is the hardest. Second time around, I'll be fine. Absolutely nothing will change in my life, except for the fact that mom and Erin will not show up for family outings I'm invited to and pretend they have a relationship with me, which I'm totally fine with. Easier than pretending everything is ok when they shun me all the time out-of-town non-JW family isn't around.

The is it better to have loved and lost question still lingers after all these years. I'm a romantic, so I still say yes. Does Travis still give me nightmares? Yes. But it might not be him, it seems like it's possible we have a ghost in our building. (I'm not even kidding, I wish I was.)

When it comes to men though, some of the others don't really torture me at all, at most they are friendly ghosts who keep me company when I run out of things to talk about. The American, who drove here in a snowstorm to surprise me at Christmas. Steve, who actually had a real name on here from the beginning (which is weird). 27 who I liked enough to make breakfast for one morning wearing a negligee from Victoria's Secret and a pair of red, 6-inch heels. That guy from the bar downstairs who still always gives me a big hug when I need one. My "secret life" friend who would slow-dance with me in the living room. J who will always be one of the best friends I've ever had. Vienna, who I still secretly hold a torch for.

There are a few others who I wish had never passed through (Irish!, "Did you lose your keys?" guy...by the way, I still have your keys) but for the most part, I've been a lucky girl. And I've loved them all, in their own way.

And it's all part of the process right? I still don't really know what I'm doing out here in the real world. I'm hoping eventually I'll figure it out and maybe if I'm really lucky, someday get it right. In the meantime, I had a really, really good day today. And one really good day can make up for weeks and weeks of not so great times. It's funny how life evens out that way.