Hmmm. My therapist says I have to get off the computer more than an hour before bed to optimize on sleep (another thing I'm bad at) so I'd better hammer this one out quickly. Yesterday was a little bit too debaucherous for a Sunday so I gotta go to bed early. It was a nice weekend though, apparently it was supposed to snow, but it didn't, and we spent ALL afternoon on Saturday on a patio having "brunch". (Caesars are really just exactly like a healthy salad what with all the olives, green beens, pickles, etc.)
Krista and I both had the week from hell at work, and we did end up going to my office in the middle of the night in the freezing cold rain to print something on Thursday, but somehow we managed to laugh our way through an entire Saturday afternoon on a patio. (Good job, Caesars.)
On another note from the weekend, my Lizzie went out and got a beautiful tattoo of blackbirds. (PS - Blackbirds are my thing, bitch!) (PPS - Just kidding, I love you.) It really is quite lovely and although I don't think I'll ever be brave enough to actually do it, I was inspired. And I wanted Blackbirds on my shoulder too. Then I went to Urban Barn after work and was contemplating buying yet another bird picture and 2 more Buddhas and I just stopped for a second, realized that I have a problem and I left. I wanted to call my sponsor but I'm not sure there is such a thing as a bird-and-buddha-obsession sponsor to talk you off the ledge at Urban Barn. Probably not. Because this is the kind of world we live in people, one that really doesn't stand up and take notice of the important issues in soceity.
I mean, if the Mayor of our city is smoking crack on video, do the rest of us really even stand a chance? Hmmm. Back to Liz. I've been in a bit of a funk lately and she's decided I should try online dating (again!) and read this book from our new favorite dating expert (and such a cutie) Matthew Hussey. (That's right. His last name is Hussey. Google him though, I promise you'll have an instant crush.)
Anyways, Matt (we're super tight now so I can call him that) has these crazy rules about how you need to be meeting at least two new people A WEEK and following all these rules of how you act around them and then, eventually if you buy his book and attend his seminars and follow all the rules, you will meet your soulmate. I got news for you Matt, I've dated every eligible bachelor in Toronto. Tall, short, corporate, ex-con, young, old, the entire spectrum. They all seem to be pretty much the same, just with varying degrees of being a liar, sociopath and/or alcoholic. Plus once they meet you, they never really go away. They'll just pop up in your phone on a Tuesday afternoon at 2 pm when you haven't heard from them in months, which makes it very hard to pretend they just died. Even if they lose their phone (it happens A LOT y'all) you'll get a message from them on LinkedIn or FaceBook or Google+ will send you an email with their picture with the caption "People you may know". And you're like, more like people I don't want to know, Google+, but thank you for ruining my morning coffee, Asshole.
And I've already met my soulmate, and he decided to go back to his wife, have a nervous breakdown and buy her dad's chocolate factory (I can't even make this stuff up), so I don't need your advice, Matthew Hussey. (Now I know Liz is disappointed. This is not following her advice about sending positive energy back out into the Universe. I'm sorry...)
I'm sure being in love is great. But it seems like an awful lot of work. And would you really want to get to that point where he's proposing and you're like, "Um, I have to tell you something". And he's a little taken back, but he says "Uh, ok. Cause I'm kinda proposing here". And you feel a bit sorry for him, but he NEEDS to know the truth: "It's not really me you're in love with, it's Matthew Hussey". And he is starting to lose his patience and says, "Who the HELL is Matthew Hussey?" And you're like, "Wait a minute, I'll google him on my phone. Then you'll understand why you're in love with him. We all are."
I guess at the end of the day, the only thing we really know for sure is...Caesars are delicious. Happy new week everyone. :)
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