My Cat is going to die. I know, I know, we're all going to die but she's very old. And lately, she's too skinny and kinda mangy looking and I come home from work and my apartment is literally a shitshow.
I'm afraid to take her to the vet though, cause I'm not ready to say goodbye.
Saying goodbye is something I'm very, very bad at. Once I love someone, I always love them. This week, I had dinner with my mom and sister. My mom has now moved to South America, and while part of me is relieved, part of me really wishes the past 4 years could have been different.
The next night, I had dinner with another old friend from the past. Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my ex-best friend. I won't lie, I hid. But I felt bad about it, so I went back. And faced the music. It was fine. We hugged, we talked a bit, and I went home.
I recently broke up with my new best friend, so when he wanted to see me tonight, I thought I needed a friendly face. The problem with people you've dated is usually the friendship is ruined. I didn't want to believe that, so I went, but as it turns out, you can't go back.
The relationship wasn't right, we wanted different things out of life and no matter how much you love someone, goals, priorities, lifestyle, schedules, all these things matter. So I left. It's not much different than when I was a JW, I loved those people too. At the end of the day, I had to make a choice based on how I felt my path to happiness needed to go. It doesn't mean I didn't love them, or my heart doesn't break every day over this.
In the end, I love you, but I'm leaving you anyways.
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