The Trifecta

It's like we're scared of getting good. The worst of me has brought out the worst in a lot of people. There are a few though, who I know my worst makes them their best. There are three people in Toronto who have been there and stuck with me through the past ten years. There would have been four, but sadly she passed.

Don't tell Jay I'm writing a blog, I'm supposed to be working on my thesis. Which is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I hate every word I write. I keep trying to make it better but this is the first challenge that's ever made me feel stupid. My prof is so kind and keeps trying to encourage me to see this through. Then it's over, finally. I know me, I'll probably wait five minutes and get bored and find some new challenging project. My brain is on overdrive and it won't calm down.

Maybe I'll do a PhD. Maybe I'll adopt another rescue animal. Maybe I'll learn yet another language. I literally can't stop. It's a beautiful trauma. I annoy myself.

Back in the day, when I left the jdubs I was lucky enough to get a good job. I had mentors and friends that I keep to this day. Three of them. One of them became my best friend. The other two never miss a birthday or a Christmas without a lunch or dinner.

They have definitely seen the worst of me. But they bring out the best in me. They celebrate my successes. In ten years of me being at my worst they haven't left me. The best in me wants to love them back. The worst of me has come out with everyone. I don't want to hurt people or lose people anymore.

Knowing you have your people who will always love you no matter what side of you they see that day? I have some other really great friends now. Jay is slowly helping me change from Blackbird to a Phoenix. But the Trifecta factor has been there with me in the trenches since the start. They think I'm strong. They see potential. They are all smart and successful so if they believe it, so should I. The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong in the broken places. They will never know how much I love them. How much I needed them. :)

Sullivan out.