Do you ever feel so alone. Like no one in the goddamn universe understands you?
Like your friends never listen to your advice no matter how valid it is. You've see the other side, you know the outcome. That guy is not worth your tears. So they hang up and say they'll call you back. 'They don't cause they know I'm right. They drive to see him. Cause god forbid he made a tiny little effort. A phone call.
So let's waste sleepless nights and insecurities and let that bad guy ruin a good girl. She sighs. When are men going to become better and people stop blaming us for making bad decisions. We're in a world of deciding what is the best of bad decisions available to us.
My guy is not perfect but he's the best guy I know. I didn't get everything I wanted, I wanted to have children. He didn't until it was too late.
He's pretty awesome all the other times. he picks movies for us to watch that he thinks I'll like. We watched one last night. Of course it was adorable, I love Rachel McAdams. It was a love story but the real love story was his family, him and his dad. Kinda reminded me of my dad.
Dad dies, movie ends. I cried. Then I couldn't stop. I was pretty bad, sobbing, and I'm an ugly crier so I looked worse today. When my uncle passed, my cousin called me. She's like, I'm sorry you didn't know he was sick. And that you had to hear this, this way. I smiled and said this is probably how I will find out my dad died. My aunt says I have to get over him.
I was really upset after the movie. Granted I'm a Pisces and we cry a lot. But when I looked at Jay I knew he will never really understand, no one will. We have all had these different journeys but with my dad it's like a sword in my heart that I can't take out and will always carry on taking it with me. If I try to grab it, it cuts up my hands and I'm just the loser who cared too much. The rest of them? I don't really care. I was a daddy's girl and besides Grandma, he's the only one I will cry for. But I won't be at the funeral.
Sullivan out.
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