Once upon a time, maybe seven years ago, I met a guy. He was fun. He threw crazy parties. Hosted a Game of Thrones night every Monday. We used to wait for each other to get off work so we could go out. I'd come out of the restaurant and he'd be leaning against a wall earphones on, cigarette in his hand. He was a sexy smoker. We were just friends.
Except he always tried to kiss me. One night I let him. We had a great summer. We implemented no pants Sundays and would hang out in the back yard suntanning and talking to our adopted Raccoon, Conrad.We'd feed him pizza and chips. He got so comfortable with us he actually broke into the house one time and Jay found him sitting on the couch eating chips and watching tv.
But this isn't a fairytale, We broke up. A lot. We fought a lot. We dated other people. But the in between times were what made us special. Like how he'd buy me flowers on Mother's Day because he knew that day made me sad. How we were never speaking to each other again but I texted him when Cat was dying of cancer and he showed up and went with me to put her down and we both cried.
We've come a long way since then. We grew up. Things happened so we were forced to. I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I was dating someone else at that time who never once showed up. Jay would text me every morning and ask what I wanted to eat. He'd curl up in the little stale hospital bed with me so I didn't feel alone. We didn't party anymore. He said something to me tonight after he went out to buy the biggest Christmas tree I've ever had and I was so happy. We were dancing around the living room to 90s music, Christmas music decorating the tree. Where would you be right now without me? I said dead. I'd be dead. He said yes, you would be.
So I asked him, are you in love with me or did you stay with me out of guilt? Out of knowing where I'd be without you. You have a hero complex so I've never been sure. He was honest. He said yes that's why he stayed with me all these years. At least in the beginning. But now he really is in love with me. He thinks I'm so strong and so smart and even pretty sometimes :) Sometimes love comes softly. He said you saved me too. I looked around our apartment and the dog on my lap and the cat on his and I got it. I gave him a family surrounded by love.
I ran into my brother randomly the other day (my family mostly shuns me) he was like are you and J married yet? I said basically yes. I don't need another ceremony, to sign some papers. But he is totally end game for me. I made a promise to myself to never let him down again. We've lived together for years so we are married, just not on paper. Death is the enemy. We've lost pets, we've lost family, we've lost friends. We won't lose each other.
He drives me crazy sometimes with his Filipino food and leaving his socks on the floor. But if that the worst I can say about the most wonderful person I've ever met, it's not so bad. And hey, he made sure that I'm still here. :) The promise stands.
Sullivan out.
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