Beauty in the Breakdown

You know how when you're a kid you have a certain idea about how your life would turn out? I did. And I made it happen. It looked perfect from the outside. I had what everyone I knew wanted. I had a secret. I was horribly miserable so I broke it and started again. This time, it's not that pretty picture in my head. If you could see what's coming you wouldn't worry about today.

My corporate suits hang in the closet and never get touched. I think I have an unused marriage ring around here somewhere. I have a family I don't know anymore. And I'm home alone on a Saturday night because I'd rather wait for Jay to come back than go anywhere. I have two rescue kids one of which is a psychopath. Our wi-fi is literally "Rosie is Satan's span." I quit jobs whenever I want because I know I'm opening my own business and all this is just temporary. I get offered jobs every week so I'm not really worried.

I had a particularly bad day today and I'm talking to my girlfriend who has recently gone through a difficult breakup. She said, you know there is beauty in the breakdown. You let the negative leave your life and then you're open to the new. Being older and wiser, I think we make better decisions. All those plans that ended in disaster, all the broken happy ever afters...they got us to where we needed to be. Do I hate Filipino food? Of course I do. But I love Jay. I love my friends and I love their kids more than I thought I could. I love not wearing suits. I love wearing my stupid bell bottoms and big hoop earrings. I love being able to be my authentic self and not get judged for it. I love every day I get because I know I'm living on borrowed time.

There is beauty in the breakdown. Being able to speak our mind, tell our truth and move on. We need to remember that when we have a bad day. Cause a bad day can be a great day with one phone call and one perfect blog title. Being happy is the best revenge. It's a beautiful trauma. :)

Sullivan out.