Believe in me

Because I don't believe in anything. And I want to be someone who believes. 

I've done an amazing job at being messed up. I'm more than just a little misunderstood. You wanna love me then you're in for a great ride. I was thinking this morning about how my ex-husband wanted his brother to be his best man at our wedding. Watchtower wouldn't let him have the weekend off though to come to his brother's wedding. His brother's wedding. Fuck them.

It makes me think that just if we hadn't been owned and controlled by them, maybe we would have been happy. Maybe I'd still have a family. Maybe I wouldn't have made so many bad choices.

My therapist last week was like, let's be honest Margaux. You're not depressed anymore. You're angry. Awesome. Only took me 9 years to move from grief to anger. I think I still have three steps to go.

There are different types of people out there. There are people who can get over something like this. And the ones who don't. I've tried to be the voice for everyone who has gone through this and spin it positive. Truth is, I'm a hypocrite. I'm not happy. But I'm happier than I would be back there with those crazies. Maybe this is just life. It's hard. Our friends are starting to die. My boyfriend is probably going to break up with me when he gets out of bed.

I still want to believe the heart of life is good. Help?