Hearts Don't Break Around Here

I know what you're thinking and you're right. I am obsessed with Ed Sheeran. This song plays on repeat in my apartment.

But seriously, how many times has my heart been broken? I don't even know. Do you count that by each person? What if it was a group heartbreak - is that just one or hundreds?

Either way, it's been a rough go.

So much so, that I can't even trust it when good things happen. I've always considered myself an optimist. Then I became an optimist with depression who tried to kill herself.

I've learned something very valuable...finally. Don't go it alone. Take the help that's offered. The Universe always comes through, usually by providing the right people in your life at the right time. If you're lucky it will drop a huge dog you didn't necessarily want in your lap. :)

It will be 8 years in June since I was kicked out of the JWs. It was the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't pretend to be wise, but everything does happen for a reason. Cliches are cliches for a reason.

It wasn't until I turned 40 though that I finally felt like I had purpose in my life again. I actually love going to work in the morning. Steve Jobs said: "Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith."

Winston Churchill said: "If you're going through hell, just keep going." And the great Ed Sheeran said: "I love the way you conquer your fears. Hearts don't break around here." (One of these days I will get over my love of redheads)

I called Kyla and said my boss asked me to lunch and I thought he was going to fire me. That's how my brain is wired now. Nothing good stays. He actually just wanted to give me a present for Max. I told her I wasn't used to good things happening to me. She said she wasn't used to that either.

We can fix that though. We can conquer our fears, we can change our thought process.

I saw a reiki master the other week. I don't really "get" reiki. It's all energy work and all my psychics think my energy is bad. She told me that the thing I didn't understand was how loved I was. She said she saw a flock of birds, flying in formation, circling around me. She couldn't have possibly known about my bird obsession.

Or that my mentor told me that's called a "murmuration". Us lost people can find each other and make something beautiful out of any situation if we do it together.

Life is beautiful. I appreciate it every day and love all those people who chose to love me despite my brokenness. I doubt my heart will ever break again.

Sullivan out.