Mother's Day

I know a lot of people feel this is just a Hallmark holiday, but I like any excuse show love and make people feel special, whether or not Hallmark makes a few bucks on my account. 

Looking over the FaceBook feed and Instagram today, with the eclectic group of people I'm now connected too, there are two distinct groups who are posting. The first group are the lucky ones, who have great relationships with their moms, who are posting happy pictures of them together, either now or from when they were kids. Sidepoint: It's amazing how many girls look exactly like their mother did at their age. I am not one of them. 

The second group, the not so lucky ones. There are many reasons people have either lost their mothers or lost touch with them. The ones I know though, it's always the same story. It's my story. 

Many of them are extremely sad today, feeling the effects of knowing the people around them are off to brunches and lunches and dinners with happy cards telling their mom how she's one of the most important people in their life. And our mothers are probably also one of the most important people in our lives - how can she not be? She's our mother. But she shuns us. Based entirely on the one decision we ever made to completely disappoint her - we left her cult. 

To the first group, I've gotta say, I'm nothing but happy for you. You have something very special - although we all know that no family is ever perfect. To the second group I would just say, if you need to feel a little sad today, that's okay. There will always be situations in life that will make us miss them. Big life changes, accomplishments, marriages, babies, there are so many situations where you imagined your mother would be by your side. I get it and I can sympathize.

Despite the fact that my mother is out of my life for good this time, I don't feel sorry for myself. It's sad, yes. I am grateful though for all the effort she put into raising us as a single mom. Would I have chosen to be raised in a cult and then shunned/unshunned continually for the past 6 years? No. But she did the best she could while we were growing up. She used to sew us dresses, made sure we had good values and we always had a cozy home. 

Today, on Mother's Day, I really don't feel a void. She stopped being my mother six years ago. And there's a good chance it happened much, much earlier than that. Over the past few years and especially lately, others have stepped in. Aunts, stepmom, Grandma, and even oddly enough one of my ex's mom  - they have shared the role that is currently vacant in my life. 

I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this - that the word family doesn't always mean what we think it does. Through my extended and adopted network of "moms" I've found the one thing I always wanted and could never get from my own mother - unconditional love. 

If you haven't already done so, find the "family" that loves you for you. While that won't always heal the wounds of a Mother's Day without your birth mother,  it goes a long way to helping you feel grateful for what you do have, feel loved and feel not quite so alone. 

Remember, the Universe is our Mother and she is always looking out for us. She wants you to be happy and accepts you the way you are. As you think about that, pour a glass of wine or eat some ice cream. Run a bath or read a good book. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Happy Mother's Day to all those wonderful, supportive moms out there. You deserve to be celebrated. 

Sullivan out.