A-Type Ambition

Alright, the past couple of weeks haven't been smooth sailing. I  cry more than usual when I watch Glee (that's my happy crying time), I haven't been completely on my game at work and to be completely honest, I've been freaking out a little. 

It was the perfect storm. Hey, mom's back in town. Shit. All these months of waiting for this article to come out when she was away, and now look, here she is and there it is. Bad timing. Then, after a year of no contact, "Big" decides to drunk text me. After a year. Then, this article comes out. People at work are having brunch with people who are talking about it. 

Then I do these two mental health week events where I told my story and now everyone wants to tell me their story. You know, we talked about how we all face difficult times but we pretend things are fine and then we all feel alone. Tell your story publicly and you'll see that it's silly that we suffer in silence. People have come to me and talked about their battle with depression, with anxiety, with suicidal feelings, with spousal abuse, with marriage break-ups, with partners who deal with depression or addictions. 

Build in the ex-jw community that's been contacting me every day and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I decided I wanted to be an activist. Tell my story to help others. And I have to believe it is helping. So many people have told me so. 

Perhaps people with anxiety issues should not become activists though. Someone from work cautioned me about doing all of this at once and if I was smarter, I would have listened. Because of course, bringing up all my past and hearing everyone else's, I'm flying with slightly broken wings right now. Trying to keep my head above water. (I know, I can't be both a bird and a fish. But I'm A-type, I can try.) :)

I guess all I really want to say is, I'm humbled and grateful for everyone who's contacted me, who has shown support, who has shared their stories with me. But I'm also a little fragile right now and I live in a world where my family who does support me is far, far away and my support group here is limited. Please be patient with me while I adjust. You know you can trust me to always give it my best shot, even when I'm not perfectly succeeding. :)