In my Secret Life

I had the great fortune of reconnecting with a former old friend. Someone who, unlike most, undertood me inside and out. Not just because we both had East Coast Irish roots, and a fondness for 90s music and Jameson whisky, but because we were raised the same way, lived the same life, found the same doubts. Feared the same fears.

He was a comfort to me, like no other I've found since leaving "the way". He came to me gingerly, as they all do, for no one can trust another of the same path, once we have wandered off of it. There are too many doubts, skepticism, fear.

We learned to trust each other over time, and through summer and fall, he's been a very dear and cherished friend. Being able to be completely open, honest and vulnerable, without any fear of being misunderstood is a rarity for someone in my situation.

So we talked, we laughed, we cried, we drank coffee in the mornings, and red wine at night.

We listened to music, we'd slow dance in my living room. We shared very personal and intimate things. All too soon though, it was time for him to go away. And I'm not quite sure what I'll do now without such a special friend.

Today at lunch, just as he's leaving, I came home and found an envelope under my door. My friend the poet, had left me a parting gift. I'll share it with you.

Black Bird

Black bird upon the ground

From unsafe height did fall

Lost the safety in her nest

Broken down as prey for all



Many told to call her crow

A bird of scorn and shame

Others to the raven pointed

Closed off hearts in blame



Found her on a second wind

Just gaining strength to stand

Tried a chance to lend an ear

Knelt down low to offer hand



Dying summer asked of fall

To change its leaves to rust

I would come around to call

Sharing what I had for trust



In time sadness dried in light

Out of kindness not of love

Turning feathers black to white

and her crow became a dove



On a corner flew seperate ways

Assured she would find her tree

She would also see me a bird

With wider skies alive for me.

It's crowded and cold...in my secret life...our song (click)