This is a re-post. We're only a few days away now from an important anniversary. On Monday, it will be a year since our beloved Ken passed away. I still think about him, every day, but more frequently lately. Haven't slept well this week. I've been thinking of everyone actually; Grandma, my aunts and uncles and family, Louis and Brett and how we were all together this time last year, and that everyone must be having their own internalized sorrow as January 28th comes creeping up on us.
How do we make sense of something as senseless as death, especially when it seems to come much too soon? As natural a part of life that it is, it doesn't feel natural. The reality that this is all of our eventuality should motivate us to stop and think. To re-evaluate how we are spending our days and weeks, where are we spending the majority of our time and effort, how well do we love? Because in the end, our jobs, our bank accounts, our material possessions, things we may spend most of our days and nights worrying about and working for, don't matter at all if we don't have real love, real relationships, real contentment in our lives.
In Montreal, this time last year, Ken was surrounded by his family, his friends, people who loved him so much that having him leave broke their hearts. That is the measure of our true success in life.
I walked in, just minutes too late. Louis fell on me crying. Everyone was crying. I'd never seen my Uncle Rob cry before. Grandma, as usual, was the rock.
It's comforting to know that, while death can end a life, it can never end Love. Love is eternal, it anchors our soul and lives on, with us.
Faith, Hope and Love
Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13
I love my family. I just don't know some of them very well. Until the past year, that was the case with my uncle, Ken. We were rarely home at the same time in the summers, he lived in Montreal, I was in Toronto. He was on the quieter side, and although I always enjoyed any time I did spend with him, I really didn't know who he was.
On the outside yes. Ken was cool, he was a dancer, he's travelled all over, he loved cats, he spoke French, he smoked Peter Jackson - the white package. Our whole family has always been so proud of his career, he was one of those rare people who didn't sell out but instead followed their dream and made a success of it. Ken is a well known and well respected dancer and dance teacher. His students loved him.
It wasn't until he got sick though that we became close. I started going to Montreal more often, spending time one on one with him. For me, there were a lot of firsts, learning about the people he's worked with, travelled with, danced with. Looking at pictures from all his trips. Hours spent talking about life, relationships, death, religion, God, family, friends. Food - he loved food. Making meals, having snacks, drinking coffee and eating croissants in the mornings. Getting to know his partner, Louis. The times I've spent in Montreal over the past year are very precious memories of making a very good friend.
And not just one, but many, as Ken had so many people who really loved him and were there for him through this time. After finding out he had cancer, Ken didn't give up, but he kept himself busy, reading books, cooking, collaborating on new dance projects. He was good natured and easy to be around, even on bad days when he felt so sick.
I feel very grateful and humbled to be a part of a family of such loving, hard-working and accepting people. Watching my grandma, aunt, uncles and mom rallying around Ken, providing support in any and every way possible was truly inspiring.
Seeing Ken's "Montreal Family": Louis, Brett, Sarah, Sioned, Heather, Luc, Francis and others consistently showing up and doing all they could for their friend solidifies my belief in true friendship and true love.
We all hoped he would get better. But he didn't. And now we need to take solace in knowing he's no longer suffering and have faith that he is somewhere kinder, better and happier than here. Hope and Faith can keep us going during even the darkest, saddest times. In the end though, without Love, the faith and hope wouldn't actually mean all that much.
I say it all the time on this blog, but I truly believe Love is an action. Sure, it's also a feeling, and a great one, but without the proofs of love, can we ever be sure it really exists? When Ken breathed his last breath, he knew he was surrounded by people who loved him, accepted him, believed in him. They had shown him this through their actions over the years, but it became especially evident when he really needed them to be there. And they were.
Having lost three family members this month alone - my grandfather, my great-aunt and my uncle - I feel more than ever the importance of demontrasting love to those we cherish, as much as we can, as often as we can, as vocally as we can. Lots of phone calls, visits, hugs, kisses and "I love you"s.
It's so easy to let busy lives, careers and the day to day issues crowd out time and energy we would like to spend on our important relationships. It breaks my heart to see what Ken had to go through this past year, but I'm also grateful for the time it afforded us to know him better, love him more, and prepare to say goodbye.
Healthy or not, none of us really know whether we'll live to see tomorrow. So no regrets! As Picasso said: "Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone."
Rest In Peace, dear Ken. I love you.
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