My blackbirds are bluebirds now

I know I say this a lot lately, but I'm exhausted. Working a full day on the weekend is slightly brutal after the week I just had. I know, however, I won't be able to give up my restaurant job addiction, because I love it. Where else in the world can I walk into a place at 10 am on a Saturday and get 4 consecutive hugs? It's a slightly disfuncitonal little family of people you love, you can tell anything to and you can occasionally have a great fight with over who sat who were and whose table is that anyways. I love opening in the morning, four of five of you in sweatpants, drinking coffee, listening to Michael Jackson while getting the place in shape for open.

I love all my 20-something year old little sisters, my gay boys and especially our manager, Julie. She's awesome. Honest, smart, always interested in how school is going, ready to listen to your boy problems and give you a hug. Most of the time, we need it.

There are so many amazing people in the world, and things are so much more interesting being able to be free to bring whoever you like into your life. I feel like I've finally hit the right balance in my Universe, between the job, the school, the volunteer work, the friends, the second job. It all fills some part of a need. I read once that the more aspects that make up your life, the less threatened your happiness is if one of them goes away. I can attest to that being completely accurate. When I was a JW, that was my entire identity, the only people I knew, the only thing that mattered. When it went away, or rather, I walked away, I was lost and alone. Not so much anymore.

Now, if I lost my job, or the boy I like decides he likes someone else, or a friend stops calling, or all 6,000 people stop reading this blog...I'll be disappointed, no doubt. But nothing in my life now that goes away will ever have the power to completely destroy me like the j-dubs did. Because all those things are just slices of life now, not the whole pie.

I know I still need to work a bit on getting things a little better balanced out. Everyone I meet who I explain my life to thinks I'm insane. Probably heading for a burnout again if I don't cut back a bit and take a little more time to relax. But I'll figure it out. We pay a price for everything we get or take in this world, and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not cheaply won, but exact their dues of work and self-denial, anxiety and discouragement. And then, if we're lucky, success.

Interestingly, I found this song on the internet when I got home from work: (click the link)

My blackbirds are bluebirds now

Blackbirds to Bluebirds? Is it possible? Yes. Lately, I believe that more and more. I think I'm probably partway there already. And now, it's Saturday night. Time to get ready to go see the girls and the gays. I have to spend all day tomorrow doing homework, so might as well have a little fun first. I should probably stay home and go to bed instead, but that's not gonna happen. Happy weekend!