I say this a lot lately, but it feels like fall. I was cold today. Currently accepting applications for strong men who would like to come over and help me close my windows. They are so heavy!
I woke up at 2 am to a 22 year old hostess from the restaurant sleeping next to me in my bed. Then this morning, to a 25 year old busser on my couch. I seriously have to consider the possibility of starting to lock my door.
I came home for lunch at 1:30 pm to kick them both out, he was still asleep. I didn't have the heart to wake him up. I'm not sure right now that he has a home to go to.
Since when am I in University?
Ok that was a bridge. I am back in school, and finally enjoying it. I'm taking two more courses, which is a lot to take on when you work seven days a week and go to school at night.
But unlike the courses I took last term, this first one seems really fun. I'm taking two again, so we'll see how the other one is tomorrow night. I know I already really like the teacher, so that's half the battle.
I walked in and sat down in the back next to 2 20-year old jocks. It was our second class. I got called out in the first 20 minutes for not having some documents, so I had to say I missed last week's class. The teacher asked me why, so I panicked and said, in front of everyone, I was on a business trip to NYC. It's kinda true, I did have lunch with my ex-boss.
My new boss, Jersey Shore, says I turn three different shades of red, really fast when I'm embarrassed. I'm sure that happened immediately tonight.
After turning red and picking up my documents, I had a really fun night. The teacher wanted us to get a sense of what we'd be dealing with in a course that's all about public speaking. So he called out person after person, giving each a seperate topic, one minute to gather your thoughts, one minute to speak. It was hilarious.
Everything from "What's your biggest fear?" to "What should the opposite sex know about you?" to my personal favorite, "Pigeons".
I think this class will be a lot of fun. And after the last one I did, I was almost ready to give up. But we don't give up, us Irish-Pisces.
One thing the teacher said tonight, was to never forget the "CON" in confidence. He said the most successful and talented baseball players have a 70% strikeout rate. So they go up there, knowing absolutely, that even if they are the best of the best, they will strikeout 70% of the time. Fail, 70% of the time.
It's the training they go through, from a young age, that keeps them grounded. You concentrate on the things you can control: preparation, mental attitude, skill. You don't think about failure, past experiences, what you can never control. You stay within yourself, think about what you KNOW you can do, focus entirely on the present.
And that's what "con" means, doesn't it? No one is entirely secure, so we fake it. We have to be real so people like us. But there's still an element of con. And no one is ever going to trust us if we don't trust ourselves.
I've worked hard on this, having lost every inch of confidence after being dumped by my whole life. And I know I'm still a psycho in relationships who pushes people away so I won't get hurt again.
But maybe I'll do ok in school. Work is going well. Jersey said he had some interesting projects lined up for me, so it should be a good week.
Be strong, focus on the present and do what you know you need to do. And at the end of the day, remember to BREATHE. (see "Being Brave")
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