The Third Date Rule

Dating in the real world is still a new concept to me.

It's complicated. You have to factor in the good on paper aspects, do you get along? Have fun together? Does he have a good job? Similar values? Once you get to a certain age you wonder...would he be a good father? Can you imagine still being with this person when you're old and he's bald?

Then there's the sex. A friend of mine told me that if you aren't sleeping together by the third date, what the H are you doing? Another friend said she didn't sleep with her (now) boyfriend for months. She said when you start dating someone new, it's better to just date them, and have someone else you're sleeping with. Takes the pressure off.

For girls, this may be the way to go. I can't speak for everyone, but for some of us, the sex factor seems to make us slightly insane. I think it builds a false sense of intimacy, a more disappointing let down when they leave.

I can't help but wonder, is sex ever safe?

And as much as we try, can we diffrienciate that aspect of the relationship from falling in love with someone?

Besides the obvious dangers: disease, waking up pregnant, etc. is it possible to share your bed with someone without consequences?

For me, the best part is when you wake up in the morning, he rolls over and puts his arms around you. The worst part is when they get up and leave, and you never know if you'll see them again. Maybe I just haven't slept with enough men.

It seems that, by now, in my 30s, there are people out there who have slept around so much, it's not even special anymore. For others, it still means something.

Someone else I know told me the only way to get over someone, is to go out, meet someone new and bring them home. But I doubt that's the magic cure, although I'm sure it dulls the pain at least temporarily.

It would be nice if we all met that person, The One, while we were young and unjaded and it lasted forever. For most of us, on our second or third time around, that's not the case. We've been hurt, we know better, we build walls around our hearts and then cover them with barbed wire. Maybe for some of us, that morning cuddle with someone we barely know is as close as we'll get for now to love and intimacy.

But hopefully that will change. I don't judge anyone anymore, but I don't want to be the girl who won't sleep with her boyfriend, to keep him on the hook, while I sleep with someone else to pass the time.

But perhaps we should all wait for at least the third date. Sometimes, even if you really like someone, the third date just doesn't happen, and then you know better.:)