Pretending to be happy

Is a huge burden. Pretending you're always strong for everyone else. Kills you inside. Now I know my m, uhhmmmm, not mother, Linda's side of the family will be mad at me as usual if I write anything negative cause Grandma will be upset. Heads up family I know her computer doesn't work. Please buy her a new one for Christmas and I'll stop writing these kinds of blogs. :)

You know why I know she's not upset? Because I talk to her every week. Because I was a good child and I'm a good grandchild, although not perfect. Why do musicians get to yell and scream at everyone who has ever hurt them and everyone sings along but I'm not allowed to talk.

I talked to my...no wait...not my father, John today and I think we're mending bridges. Maybe someday he'll be daddy again.

Jay left for work today and he said pretending to be happy is hard. It is. I do it every fucking day. So does he. Then what is left for us in the three minutes we have together a day? I never thought I'd think this but I need to be more selfish. One of my best memories was this day. Hit something. Hit it hard and let it fly away. Christmas market will end and I'll finish my MBA (four days!) and then we'll see where we are at. In the meantime, let it fly.

Sullivan out.