I've been off work for awhile. It's surprisingly difficult to find a job in Toronto. When my last contract was ending I decided not to stay. 100K a year is not worth being entirely miserable every single day.
I've found something new. Way less money but enough to pay the bills and the people seem genuinely kind.
Being off work meant I never had to do my hair, put on makeup or get dressed up. I just lived in yoga pants and went for dog walks and watched netflixs. But my boyfriend works opposite hours of me when I'm corporate so he wanted to take me out to dinner last night since we're never going to see each other again.
So I prettied up. I put on makeup and a nice dress and he was like, you look so beautiful. And I said, am I also a good person? He said, I think you're trying to be a good person. It's a half compliment. He's right though. When I left the JWs I was so lost. I had so much anxiety. Anger, sadness. I made bad decisions and I hurt people. Especially him.
The anxiety stays but the rest is gone. They all still show up all the time in my dreams even if I don't think about them all day. My mother and my sister the most. But I've moved on, even if my subconscious hasn't caught up yet.
So we had steak and lobster and celebrated and I really feel especially lucky to have such great people in my life. I wouldn't trade it in for a return to the cult any day of the week. :)
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