Life is not forever. Love is.

I stole that quote from my friend. They wrote it on her grave.

I'm finally going back to work on Monday. I love to make lists. So I had a lot of things to cross off before I went back. I'd never been to see Donia since she died. I couldn't do it. It just makes the whole thing more real. I've never deleted her number from my phone. But for all my avoiding it, I knew it was something I had to do.

My best friend took me this week. (For the rest of you, who think you're my best friend, I'm sorry. Jay is.) He keeps promising me he'll never die and since he's Asian, he might be right. But I don't trust it. There were a lot of Asians in that cemetery.

If you go to Mount Pleasant Cemetery, (sidepoint the only cemetery I would agree to be buried in if I didn't have an elaborate plan to be buried at sea), it's complicated. They give you a map that makes no sense and you just have to search and search until you find what you're looking for.

I found her. I cried. I brought flowers, but that seemed kind of silly in the moment. In some ways, it makes me happy that I just want to get thrown into the sea when I go so no one will ever have to bring flowers to my grave and cry. On the other hand, say there was someone who wanted to come see me and talk to me. There would be nowhere for them to go.

I got to do that. To talk to her, to tell her I missed her. To cry. She was generous, even when she left us. She was the best person I've ever known. Jay walked Max around the grounds and came back to get me.

Life is short. One of my special friends is grieving the loss of someone that was important to her. I don't have any advice. I can't do anything but listen. I can tell you this: these silly wars we have, the walls we build and the fences we put up, they don't help us, they just hurt us.

Lindsay, put down the guns. It's not worth the lost time.

Dalyse, no one will ever replace John. If something were to happen to Jay, you'd have to come over and scrape me off the floor. I wouldn't want to live in a world without him. So I know how you feel. I didn't want to live in a world without Donia either. But unlike the fairytale I actually believed in for most of my life, we don't live forever. But love does. Donia was right about that. You can be gone, but the love lives on.

Sullivan out.