You gotta have FAITH

Before this river becomes an ocean, before you throw my heart back on the floor...I've gotta have Faith. ~ George Michael

This was my friends favorite song. You can't even imagine how many hours I spent trying to get the slideshow I put together for the celebration of his life to perfectly match timing with the two songs I chose. This was the second one.

Too many hours. And not enough hours. With his family not here, someone had to step up and take care of that. He was right though.

No matter what happens in life, faith keeps us going. Yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed. After his death, my dog got really sick. These are external influences. It's not feel sorry for Margaux time, it's just that I've had a lot to process lately. Work was really busy, I was worried about Max.

I was walking home from work, I'd been trying to suppress a panic attack all day. Usually, I come home for lunch. Yesterday I was too busy. By the time 6 pm came around, I was in full panic mode. I always walk past Saks because I love the dresses in the windows. I started throwing up. That's what happens when the panic attacks hit emergency.

I threw up four times. On the street in front of their lovely window displays. A lot of people walked past me. They looked at me. They probably could have thought I was a drug addict or something. Except I was dressed corporate and had a Kate Spade purse and had been at work all day.

I didn't know if I was going to make it home. The fourth time though, a woman came up to me. She asked if I was okay or I needed help.

At the end of the day, those 30 or 40 others who just walked past me don't matter. It's that one in a few people who make all the difference. The ones who make sure your river doesn't become an ocean that you're drowning in.

I told her I was close to home and I'd be okay.

It taught me something. We need to recognize and appreciate those really good people out there. I've been on both sides, as a sufferer and supporter. We need more of you on our side. Be kind to one another. Don't let the river become an ocean.

I have the best people behind me now: family (non-jw), friends, work, random strangers. Who have been extraordinarily kind.

People like that give me faith. :)

Sullivan out.